Letters to Luca

A personal, in-depth and over explicit account of my unrequited love through a collection of poems,

musings and poetic prose.

We fell in love as Winter gave way to Spring. Like the snow could not stay to share in the

changing season, neither could you.

"How can I leave when I miss you already?"

You asked on the day of your departure...but you did. Mere days after you told me you loved me.

"I would stay if I could."

You caught my face, bringing my averted eyes to yours. I was scared to look into them, scared

to believe the promises they held, scared to put stock in the ones pouring from your lips in case

you didn't truly mean them.

"I don't know how we will make it work, but we will."

Three months later I would visit you in Italy. Silent tears spilling on the plane while watching

Call Me By Your Name. Terrified our story, like theirs, would end in vain.

You kissed me twice at the airport and again I couldn't look you in the eyes for fear I'd cry.

"I'm so glad I got to show you all the people and places I love as you are one of them and always

will be" ...and I knew you meant goodbye.

I wept the entire 12-hour journey home because it wasn't and never could be over for me.

"I know I will wait for him as long as it takes. What scares me and breaks my heart is the fear

he won't do the same."

You told me that if I ever missed you, I should talk to you. That you would hear me. And

so, I did. Three years and a dozen journals. My heart pouring through my pen onto

paper.

I want you to feel each word, each thought and each emotion as I did.

Let it build you, bate you and break your heart as it did my own.

Share it with me, so I no longer must carry it alone.