Dwynwen's Feast
Let the feast begin! Oliver Black is a restaurant critic and exuberantly moral family man. Father to an eight-year-old vegan warrior princess with her own animal rescue service, and three hulking teenage boys whose purpose in life is to convert bananas into testosterone, Oliver has his hands full. Oliver's wife, Lucy, is an ambitious artist with a secret, although given that Oliver corresponds regularly with a blackmailer while his brother constantly runs from the police, it would seem that Lucy is not the only one with a clandestine life. It is Oliver who first introduces us to Rafe Wilde, a music critic and playboy manqu矇 who boasts big secrets and even bigger troubles. When Rafe's current and former girlfriends both refuse to sleep with him and he is forced to endure Oliver's relentless criticism of his taste in music and women, Rafe is driven to distraction. But when his irritation turns into hostility and his hostility turns into hatred, Rafe becomes hell-bent on revenge. Dwynwen's Feast merrily transports souls hungry for humor on a full-course satirical romp through music, art, philosophy, religion, cats, critics, beds, and bananas.
The Production Chronicles
Emma Vaughn is stuck in a shoebox apartment in Paris without enough money to buy a plane ticket home to America. After graduating from film school with aspirations of becoming a famous director, Emma soon realizes that her career goals may be out of her reach. Utterly clueless as to how to find a job and desperate to cure her malaise, she lands a part-time gig serving cocktails and spends her spare time dreaming about falling in love. Thanks to a chance encounter with Antoine, a handsome and successful French producer, Emma is thrust headfirst into the glamorous world of commercial television-only to discover that she has absolutely no idea what she is doing. After serving lattes to famous people, discovering the joys of Bollywood, and escaping from a Moroccan prison, Emma struggles to pave her own road to success as she embarks upon a journey to become a producer in a fiercely competitive industry. The Production Chronicles is a delightfully charming tale that will appeal to the chronically unemployed, the hopelessly ambitious, or anyone who has ever wondered what it is really like to work in the world of film and television production.
The Production Chronicles
Emma Vaughn is stuck in a shoebox apartment in Paris without enough money to buy a plane ticket home to America. After graduating from film school with aspirations of becoming a famous director, Emma soon realizes that her career goals may be out of her reach. Utterly clueless as to how to find a job and desperate to cure her malaise, she lands a part-time gig serving cocktails and spends her spare time dreaming about falling in love. Thanks to a chance encounter with Antoine, a handsome and successful French producer, Emma is thrust headfirst into the glamorous world of commercial television-only to discover that she has absolutely no idea what she is doing. After serving lattes to famous people, discovering the joys of Bollywood, and escaping from a Moroccan prison, Emma struggles to pave her own road to success as she embarks upon a journey to become a producer in a fiercely competitive industry. The Production Chronicles is a delightfully charming tale that will appeal to the chronically unemployed, the hopelessly ambitious, or anyone who has ever wondered what it is really like to work in the world of film and television production.
For the People
"NYC Prep" meets The Manchurian Candidate in this blistering satire of the 2008 Presidential Election. Voltaire is a child born into ultimate privilege; his family is one of the ruling members of "They," the invisible hand of power behind mankind's machinations, as in "They say you need to eat more fruits and vegetables, or donate ten percent of your pay, or believe ..." As young Voltaire prepares to enter manhood and take his place at the table, he finds himself disagreeing with what "They" say about the upcoming US Presidential election. Emboldened by the impetuous confidence of youth and the fresh face of Barack Obama, he decides to do something about it. The result is a hilarious, uncompromising look at modern society. Religion, gender, race, celebrity, class-nothing is sacred in this sensationalized romp through the incestuous world of American pop-political culture that chronicles an insider's fanciful interplay with all the characters. From Caribou Barbie to terrorist pals who made the 2008 campaign one for the ages, For the People intersperses real life with fiction-but is it really fiction? While the outcome of the 2008 Presidential election may be known, this surreal journey behind the election, with its many twists and turns, poses real questions for the people to answer about our role and responsibility in it all.
For the People
"NYC Prep" meets The Manchurian Candidate in this blistering satire of the 2008 Presidential Election. Voltaire is a child born into ultimate privilege; his family is one of the ruling members of "They," the invisible hand of power behind mankind's machinations, as in "They say you need to eat more fruits and vegetables, or donate ten percent of your pay, or believe ..." As young Voltaire prepares to enter manhood and take his place at the table, he finds himself disagreeing with what "They" say about the upcoming US Presidential election. Emboldened by the impetuous confidence of youth and the fresh face of Barack Obama, he decides to do something about it. The result is a hilarious, uncompromising look at modern society. Religion, gender, race, celebrity, class-nothing is sacred in this sensationalized romp through the incestuous world of American pop-political culture that chronicles an insider's fanciful interplay with all the characters. From Caribou Barbie to terrorist pals who made the 2008 campaign one for the ages, For the People intersperses real life with fiction-but is it really fiction? While the outcome of the 2008 Presidential election may be known, this surreal journey behind the election, with its many twists and turns, poses real questions for the people to answer about our role and responsibility in it all.
Stories I Like to Tell
About the Book: A collection of stories and anecdotes about family, friends and personal experiences. I left school at age sixteen. Life has been very good to me and, at the urging of some friends, I decided it might be fun to write down some of the things that caught my attention along the way. The collection may be fun, someday, for the grandkids. It may be fun now for people who want a chuckle from reading about a very ordinary character doing very ordinary things in ways that sometimes are outside the nine dots.
Sellevision
The hilarious first novel by the #1 bestselling author of Running with Scissors, Dry, A Wolf at the Table, and You Better Not Cry, Sellevision is Augusten Burrough's darkly funny and vastly entertaining skewering of a very troubled home-shopping channel. Welcome to the world of Sellevision, America's premier retail broadcasting network. When Max Andrews, the much loved and handsome (that is, lonely and gay) host of a "Toys for Tots" segment, accidentally exposes himself in front of millions of kids, Sellevision faces its first big scandal. As Max struggles to find a new job in television, the popular and perky host Peggy Jean Smythe is receiving sinister emails from a stalker. Popping pills and drinking heavily, she fails to notice that her husband is spending a lot of time with the young babysitter who lives next door. Then there's Leigh, whose affair with married Sellevision boss Howard Toast is going nowhere until she announces their relationship on air. A blistering satire of our overcharged, scandal-obsessed world, Sellevision is "an absolute howl . . . wicked fun" (New York Daily News).
Charlotte Stories
FICTION? It's a memoir, Mama! Why do I have to lie and call it "Fiction"? If this is fiction, what in Sam Hill is truth? I know. I know...It's because I'm a dog, right? Well, that's just pure-D species-ism! Fine. Call it what you want. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Friends, I wrote this book about what life's like here on the outskirts of May, Texas. I figured lots of people might be curious. They probably never even heard of the Mayans-folks so enamored with six-man football that they'd never live anywhere else. Then there're the snow birds drawn here by the curious weather and Underwood's BBQ. There might even be the occasional rube in the Witness Protection Program exiled to ride out the remainder of his life safely hidden under the X in Texas. Then, there's me and my family. Mama and Poppy chose to live here because it's heaven. I live here because I'm lucky. This book is about my family and our stories. It's about life here in the heart of Texas, in all its glory. It's rich.
The Financial Lives of the Poets
"Darkly funny, surprisingly tender . . . witheringly dead-on." -- Los Angeles TimesNamed one of the year's best novels by: Time - Salon.com - Los Angeles Times - NPR/Fresh Air - New West - Kansas City Star - St. Louis Post-DispatchA comic and heartfelt novel from the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Beautiful Ruins and Cold Millions about how we get to the edge of ruin--and how we begin to make our way back.What happens when small-time reporter Matthew Prior quits his job to gamble everything on a quixotic notion: a Web site devoted to financial journalism in the form of blank verse?Before long, he wakes up to find himself jobless, hobbled with debt, spying on his wife's online flirtation, and six days away from losing his home. . . . Until, one night on a desperate two a.m. run to 7-Eleven, he falls in with some local stoners, and they end up hatching the biggest--and most misbegotten--plan yet.
The Day My Mother Cried
The lasting charm of Kaufman's stories lies in a delightful mix of personal incidents and observations set against an anchoring backdrop of cultural tradition. His new collection is filled with tales from his parents' homeland in the Ukraine, his own childhood reminiscences, and his adult travels. We watch the young author forced alongside "every Jewish boy on the block" to emulate Yehudi Menuhin on a ten-dollar violin with a moldy bow until the boy is spared by an innate lack of talent and his father's judgment of his concert: "Enough is enough is more than enough." Kaufman is carefully attuned to the awkwardness of adulthood as well as to that of early adolescence. In "Interlude in Bangkok," his narrator scours the city for a synagogue while pursued by a prostitute. Later he and a friend encounter Greta Garbo in a museum caf矇 and are too frightened to approach her. Aware of their intrigue, the mysterious movie star intones, "I am not she"; Kaufman, in his own way, says that of himself in these stories through an autobiographical narrator whose memories take on resonant, literary shapes in their retelling.
Constant Interruptions
"Mr. Williams's book is completely outrageous! If Mr. Williams thinks he's funny then he'd better learn to ignore all of the simpletons who have the courage to laugh at his numerous valid points and entertaining shenanigans!" -Ms. Ethel Moore-Moore of the Young Eager Lady Libertarians The fine art of satire is reborn through the breakout brilliance of M. Craig Williams. Boldly combining normal, everyday life with offbeat characters, comedic circumstances, and heartrending reflections from his unlimited imagination, Constant Interruptions is Williams's triumphant literary d矇but. From his humble abode in the fictional city of Umbrage, Ontario, Craig warmly invites you to join him on an epic, life-changing journey into the realm of the politically incorrect. Hopping from caf矇 to caf矇, through the winding streets of his fictional hometown, Williams introduces, in his distinctively informal style, a collection of endearing and ironic individuals whose frantic antics are certain to entertain readers of all ages. Constant Interruptions openly examines the subtle intricacies of our delicate human nature in a refreshing manner. The lovable lives of Craig's creations grant us a glimpse at our own personal quest for purpose and recognition.
Big Trouble
Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt's intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny's alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid's room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks' house for a real game of Killer, Arthur's embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks' yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.
The Peculiar Boars of Malloy
This Sherwood Anderson award-winning farcical novel follows two teenage boys living on a farm in rural Indiana. Their father--a diminutive man and the laughingstock of their small town--purchases two boars in an attempt to impress his neighbors and demonstrate, by proxy, his masculinity. The boars, however, turn out to be resolutely gay and deeply committed to each other, setting off a ridiculous chain of events that brings the spotlight and accompanying media circus to Malloy. In the midst of all of the madness is the boys' ongoing, and at once heartbreaking and hilarious, quest to find their wayward mother through a series of touching and humorous flashbacks. Disappointed in their pitiful father, the boys cling to an unrealistic fantasy of their mother, who is in actuality a promiscuous drifter. Crandell's depiction of the gay boars provides much of the book's humor and, unexpectedly, its moral compass as he weaves significant and subtly articulated themes of animal rights and gay rights. The Peculiar Boars of Malloy captures the best traditions of American satire, while turning the conventions of the coming-of-age novel on its head. Crandell's heart and humor will be appreciated by lovers of satire and animals and those readers possessed of a uniquely Midwestern sense of the ridiculous.
Escaping the Grind
Carlson Veitch has experienced entirely too much rejection in his life, but when he receives an offer to teach physical education at Kipling Secondary, he thinks his life is about to turn around. Little does Carlson know that a family mystery, a gaggle of impossible students, and a villainous boss are all ready to stand in his way-just as he is about to reach his destiny. Carlson's new career lasts exactly two days. After teachers organize the largest strike in North American history, Carlson joins an army of angry educators and soon realizes that no textbook ever taught him how to cope with parents who throw tomatoes at picketing teachers. After the strike ends, Carlton returns to the classroom and, in his spare time, rejuvenates a relationship with Lisa-the woman who broke his heart and then moved to Peru. As he scrutinizes how many XOs she writes at the end of her letters as a way of determining whether she still loves him, he grows disillusioned with teaching; one student after another tests his patience. As Carlson wrestles old ghosts and new obstacles, he wants to find the meaning of life-but will really settle for just a little happiness instead.
Escaping the Grind
Carlson Veitch has experienced entirely too much rejection in his life, but when he receives an offer to teach physical education at Kipling Secondary, he thinks his life is about to turn around. Little does Carlson know that a family mystery, a gaggle of impossible students, and a villainous boss are all ready to stand in his way-just as he is about to reach his destiny. Carlson's new career lasts exactly two days. After teachers organize the largest strike in North American history, Carlson joins an army of angry educators and soon realizes that no textbook ever taught him how to cope with parents who throw tomatoes at picketing teachers. After the strike ends, Carlton returns to the classroom and, in his spare time, rejuvenates a relationship with Lisa-the woman who broke his heart and then moved to Peru. As he scrutinizes how many XOs she writes at the end of her letters as a way of determining whether she still loves him, he grows disillusioned with teaching; one student after another tests his patience. As Carlson wrestles old ghosts and new obstacles, he wants to find the meaning of life-but will really settle for just a little happiness instead.
Blonde Bombshell
The year is 2017. Lucy Pavlov is the CEO of PavSoft Industries, home of a revolutionary operating system that every computer in the world runs on. Her personal wealth is immeasurable, her intelligence is unfathomable, and she's been voted World's Most Beautiful Woman for three years running. To put it simply -- she has it all. But not everything is quite right in Lucy's life. For starters, she has no memories prior to 2015. She also keeps having run-ins with a unicorn. And to make matters even worse, a bomb is hurtling through interstellar space, headed straight for Lucy -- and the planet known as Earth.
One Day
NOW A NETFLIX SERIES - NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER - TWO PEOPLE. ONE DAY. TWENTY YEARS. - What starts as a fleeting connection between two strangers soon becomes a deep bond that spans decades. - "[An] instant classic. . . . One of the most ...emotionally riveting love stories you'll ever encounter." --People It's 1988 and Dexter Mayhew and Emma Morley have only just met. But after only one day together, they cannot stop thinking about one another. Over twenty years, snapshots of that relationship are revealed on the same day--July 15th--of each year. They face squabbles and fights, hopes and missed opportunities, laughter and tears. Dex and Em must come to grips with the nature of love and life itself. As the years go by, the true meaning of this one crucial day is revealed. "[A] surprisingly deep romance...so thoroughly satisfying." --Entertainment Weekly Packaging may vary
Sex Isn Everything; Sex Is the Only Thang!
Archie Harris works as a paralegal for a sprawling law firm in Washington, D.C., and is ready to embark on a weeklong vacation that includes watching movies, attending outdoor concerts, and catching up on some R&R (Rest and Relaxation). Little does he know that fate has other plans for him. Archie kicks off his vacation at HIPSTERS, a premier hot spot in D.C., where he meets the sophisticated Vivian Williams who is visiting the city on business. At first glance, it appears that Vivian is all work and no play, but when she asks Archie to show her the sites, Archie, sensing a possible sexual encounter, readily accepts. But Archie has one major concern. He is rusty when it comes to entertaining women, let alone pursuing sex. Enter Tre, an old friend who comes to Archie's rescue. Archie and Tre meet up once again after six years for an upcoming birthday bash for a mutual friend. Unbeknownst to them the celebrated birthday boy happens to be Vivian's favorite uncle. In this hilarious account of Archie's lustful journey, only time will tell if Archie scores with Vivian and whether true love will be discovered in the process.
Sex Isn Everything; Sex Is the Only Thang!
Archie Harris works as a paralegal for a sprawling law firm in Washington, D.C., and is ready to embark on a weeklong vacation that includes watching movies, attending outdoor concerts, and catching up on some R&R (Rest and Relaxation). Little does he know that fate has other plans for him. Archie kicks off his vacation at HIPSTERS, a premier hot spot in D.C., where he meets the sophisticated Vivian Williams who is visiting the city on business. At first glance, it appears that Vivian is all work and no play, but when she asks Archie to show her the sites, Archie, sensing a possible sexual encounter, readily accepts. But Archie has one major concern. He is rusty when it comes to entertaining women, let alone pursuing sex. Enter Tre, an old friend who comes to Archie's rescue. Archie and Tre meet up once again after six years for an upcoming birthday bash for a mutual friend. Unbeknownst to them the celebrated birthday boy happens to be Vivian's favorite uncle. In this hilarious account of Archie's lustful journey, only time will tell if Archie scores with Vivian and whether true love will be discovered in the process.
An Isle of Fancy
Max surveyed the scenery around him through dark Italian sunglasses. He paused in thought. What he knew in his head was enough to topple champion foosball players from glory to ignominy in an instant, or cause Jesus to cry. Max is a chauffeur who has acquired precious knowledge of his boss's diabolical intentions to conquer the world. The powerful Herr McCoffee of Eglicata will squash anyone in his path and has surrounded himself with a colorful staff that includes Sylvia Smitharomance who has slept her way straight into his cabinet, Manual McGetitdone who has ridden McCoffee's coattails to prominence and is not to be crossed, and Norbert Nodahead a "yes" man worthy of distrust and scrutiny. When McCoffee learns about a disadvantageous plant growing like a noxious weed on the distant island of Dalilennon that has the ability to keep his beautiful fowlawarfare alive, nothing will stop him from harvesting the crop. As McCoffee attempts to create his own defiant brand of world peace, he and his cabinet clash with the likes of Roger Rightjet, Priest Precious, Julian Knotsofoolista, and King Nocturnal in a humorous, allegorical journey where good-as it must-wins in the end.
Postcards from the Edge
This bestselling Hollywood novel by the witty author of Wishful Drinking and Shockaholic that was made into a movie starring Meryl Streep and Shirley MacLaine. When we first meet the extraordinary young actress Suzanne Vale, she's feeling like "something on the bottom of someone's shoe, and not even someone interesting." Suzanne is in the harrowing and hilarious throes of drug rehabilitation, trying to understand what happened to her life and how she managed to land in a "drug hospital." Just as Fisher's first film role--the precocious teenager in Shampoo--echoed her own Beverly Hills upbringing, her first book is set within the world she knows better than anyone else: Hollywood. This stunning literary debut chronicles Suzanne's vivid, excruciatingly funny experiences inside the clinic and as she comes to terms with life in the outside world. Postcards from the Edge is more than a book about stardom and drugs. It is a revealing look at the dangers--and delights--of all our addictions, from money and success to sex and insecurity.
Kapitoil
"A brilliant book. Karim Issar is one of the freshest, funniest heroes I've come across in a long time." -- Ben Fountain, bestselling author of Brief Encounters with Che Guevara"An innovative and incisive meditation on the wages of corporate greed, the fundamental darkness of its vision lit by the author's great comic intelligence and wit." -- Kathryn Davis, author of The Thin Place, Hell: A Novel, and VersaillesWith a fresh and singular voice, Teddy Wayne marks his literary debut with the story of one 26 year old Middle Eastern man's attempt to live the American Dream in New York City. Like the award-winning Netherland and The Reluctant Fundamentalist, Kapitoil provides an absorbing look into American culture and New York finance from an outsider's perspective."Sometimes you do not truly observe something until you study it in reverse," writes Karim Issar upon arrival to New York City from Qatar in 1999. Fluent in numbers, logic, and business jargon yet often baffled by human connection, the young financial wizard soon creates a computer program named Kapitoil that predicts oil futures and reaps record profits for his company.At first an introspective loner adrift in New York's social scenes, he anchors himself to his legendary boss Derek Schrub and Rebecca, a sensitive, disillusioned colleague who may understand him better than he does himself. Her influence, and his father's disapproval of Karim's Americanization, cause him to question the moral implications of Kapitoil, moving him toward a decision that will determine his future, his firm's, and to whom--and where--his loyalties lie.
Vd Man
In 1965, Miami, Florida, has more cases of infectious syphilis than any city in America-a fact the Chamber of Commerce and the Miami Health Department conspire to cover up. Into this sticky wicket stumbles Allen Kravass, who gives up a cushy job in his father's bank to pursue a career in syphilis eradication with the federal government. Kravass aspires to be a VD man-a sleuth for syphilis. But he is opposed by his boss, Howard Stepman, who would like to fire him. While desperately trying to keep his job, Kravass meets Emily Norden, a healthy nurse in the VD Clinic. Norden accidentally spills Kravass's blood while instructing him in the technique of drawing blood from patients. This leads to an office romance which may not bode well for his new career. Kravass's quest is also threatened by the conflicting ambitions of others in Miami's quirky world of syphilis investigation. His fellow investigators wish him well, but are primarily interested in advancing their own careers. Not everybody succeeds in becoming a VD man. Sometimes, it comes down to the luck of the draw.
Bite Me LP
"Christopher Moore is a very sick man, in the very best sense of the word."--Carl Hiaasen The undead rise again in Bite Me, the third book in New York Times bestselling author Christopher Moore's wonderfully twisted vampire saga. Joining his farcical gems Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck, Moore's latest in continuing story of young, urban, nosferatu style love, is no Twilight--but rather a tsunami of the irresistible outrageousness that has earned him the appellation, "Stephen King with a whoopee cushion and a double-espresso imagination" from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and inspired Denver's Rocky Mountain News to declare him, "the 21st century's best satirist."
Laura Rider's Masterpiece
Laura and Charlie Rider have been married for twelve years. They share their nursery business in rural Wisconsin, their love for their animals, and their zeal for storytelling. Although Charlie's enthusiasm in the bedroom has worn Laura out, although she no longer sleeps with him, they are happy enough going along in their routine. Jenna Faroli is the host of a popular radio show, and in Laura's mind is "the single most famous person in the Town of Dover." When Jenna happens to cross Charlie's path one day, and they begin an e-mail correspondence, Laura cannot resist using Charlie to try out her new writing skills. Together, Laura and Charlie craft florid, strangely intimate messages that entice Jenna in an unexpected way. The "project" quickly spins out of control. The lines between Laura's words and Charlie's feelings are blurred and complicated, Jenna is transformed in ways that deeply disturb her, and Laura is transformed in her mind's eye into an artist. The transformations are hilarious and poignant, and for Laura Rider, beyond her wildest expectations.
The Conch Killers
Elizabeth Forbish tries to lead a normal life as a junior at Georgetown University majoring in economics. However, life is anything but normal when you're the daughter of Bradford Wallington Forbish IV, CEO and majority stockholder of Forboco Petrochemical Incorporated. The family fortune is substantial, and he's one of the richest men in Virginia. Life gets really interesting when Elizabeth is kidnapped by mysterious terrorists while she's being escorted by her bodyguard Johnny. Shady government agents work covertly to recover Elizabeth and deal out some frontier justice to the perpetrators. Tad Hunter and Ramon Garcia, owners of Conch Island Yacht Service in Florida, join in the fray. Armed with sailboats, guns, and a drunken client, Tad and Ramon-old Army buddies and all-around good guys-pursue the dangerous kidnappers through the Florida islands, over to Bimini, and back. Shootouts, treachery, and outlandish characters are all standard fare in the tropical madness called the Florida Keys. But nothing is as it seems, and crazy things happen in paradise in this uproarious romp through this steamy locale.
The Conch Killers
Elizabeth Forbish tries to lead a normal life as a junior at Georgetown University majoring in economics. However, life is anything but normal when you're the daughter of Bradford Wallington Forbish IV, CEO and majority stockholder of Forboco Petrochemical Incorporated. The family fortune is substantial, and he's one of the richest men in Virginia. Life gets really interesting when Elizabeth is kidnapped by mysterious terrorists while she's being escorted by her bodyguard Johnny. Shady government agents work covertly to recover Elizabeth and deal out some frontier justice to the perpetrators. Tad Hunter and Ramon Garcia, owners of Conch Island Yacht Service in Florida, join in the fray. Armed with sailboats, guns, and a drunken client, Tad and Ramon-old Army buddies and all-around good guys-pursue the dangerous kidnappers through the Florida islands, over to Bimini, and back. Shootouts, treachery, and outlandish characters are all standard fare in the tropical madness called the Florida Keys. But nothing is as it seems, and crazy things happen in paradise in this uproarious romp through this steamy locale.
The P. Word
Andy and Margaret Becker are married baby boomers enjoying their retirement when Margaret discovers a book that refuels her longtime dream of traveling to Provence. Now all she has to do is convince a reluctant Andy to embark on a journey with her that will forever change their lives and their marriage. Despite the fact that Andy has discussed traveling to Provence for decades, he soon finds himself trapped in Margaret's web of adventure. After he agrees to rent a house in Provence where he and Margaret can walk to the market, have lunch in a caf矇, and enjoy baguettes accompanied by unpasteurized cheese and lavender honey, Andy must adjust to sleeping in a tiny bed, changing lanes in traffic circles, and eating more bad carbohydrates than he ever has in his life. But Andy makes the best of his adventure, fully embedding himself in the French culture and even falling in love with the scraggly dog that lives on the property surrounding their wee house. After a series of humorous events, Andy is unknowingly initiated into a freer way of life as he experiences the people, the unhurried atmosphere of French eating and drinking, and the fascinating history of Provence.
The P. Word
Andy and Margaret Becker are married baby boomers enjoying their retirement when Margaret discovers a book that refuels her longtime dream of traveling to Provence. Now all she has to do is convince a reluctant Andy to embark on a journey with her that will forever change their lives and their marriage. Despite the fact that Andy has discussed traveling to Provence for decades, he soon finds himself trapped in Margaret's web of adventure. After he agrees to rent a house in Provence where he and Margaret can walk to the market, have lunch in a caf矇, and enjoy baguettes accompanied by unpasteurized cheese and lavender honey, Andy must adjust to sleeping in a tiny bed, changing lanes in traffic circles, and eating more bad carbohydrates than he ever has in his life. But Andy makes the best of his adventure, fully embedding himself in the French culture and even falling in love with the scraggly dog that lives on the property surrounding their wee house. After a series of humorous events, Andy is unknowingly initiated into a freer way of life as he experiences the people, the unhurried atmosphere of French eating and drinking, and the fascinating history of Provence.
A Matter of Form
Simon has returned from college in London, England and is expected to find himself a job. Lacking any expeience of this he contacts four previous friends to seek their help. They always meet in a local Pub to drink beer and eat wings. There is more fun at these affairs than help to Simon. He follows through on an advert in the newspaper and is delighted to learn that the employer is one who requires no forms to be completed. This fits exactly into Simon`s attitude toward the use of forms everywhere and he is hired. His first client on the job is an entreprenuer about whom he grows suspicious of the source of his income. He thinks that drug dealing is involved. His friends won`t help so he investigates alone. He is captured and held in isolation only to escape eventually and return to his girl friend. She and some friends persue the clues Simon has found and confront the entrepereneur in his own home.
Pink Poodle Pie
Packed with humor, angst, and that get-even quality women are born with, this collection offers an insight into the workings of the heart and devious mind when "done wrong." These stories stitch a quilt of fun and mayhem that prove the inner strength of women. Amanda and Lori dish up poison. Randy sends her beloved to the same psych ward he had planned to confine her to. Mama uses her computer to move money out of reach. Marylou, with help from an aunt with a generation-old grievance, seeks revenge against a lawman who thought he ruled the women in his county henhouse. Gathered here are women from across the country who have never met but who offer a glimpse of a hidden-until-needed attribute they all share─the willingness, the capability, and the joy, to seek revenge.
Second Line
Two short novels starring lovable chefs Rickey and G-man, living and cooking in pre-Katrina New Orleans.
How to Rob an Armored Car
In a dying Pennsylvania coal town, three friends are looking for a way out. Mitch is a rebellious malcontent whose bad attitude gets him fired from a chain big box store. Doug can identify any pill by sight and any '80s rock song by the first three notes but doesn't understand credit scores. Kevin got married and had a kid too soon and is now on parole after serving jail time for growing marijuana. The three of them dabble in petty crime and believe they have a talent for it. They start by stealing a high-definition TV, then set their sights on bigger scores. Soon things begin to get out of hand.
The Bible Salesman
Preston Clearwater has been a criminal since stealing two chain saws and 1600 pairs of aviator sunglasses from the Army during the Second World War. Back on the road in post-war North Carolina, a member of a car-theft ring, he picks up hitch-hiking Henry Dampier, an innocent nineteen-year-old Bible salesman. Clearwater immediately recognizes Henry as just the associate he needs -- one who will believe is working as an F.B.I. spy; one who will drive the cars Clearwater steals as Clearwater follows along in another car at a safe distance. Henry joyfully sees a chance to lead a dual life as Bible salesman and a G-man. During his hilarious and scary adventures we learn of Henry's fundamentalist youth, an upbringing that doesn't prepare him for his new life. As he falls in love and questions his religious training, Henry begins to see he's being used -- that the fun and games are over, that he is on his own in a way he never imagined.
Catscratch Fever and Other Stories
When Skinny Malink meets Rosemary Fingerhat, she discovers a new world with cats as its focus. Skinny, whose real name is Sally, is introduced to the Ailurophile Society, a vast association of cat admirers. The only requirement to be a member is cohabitation with a very special cat, or cats. The society is quite vast. With Rosemary to guide her, Skinny meets some of the most unique people in town - all of whom are devoted to serving cats of exceptional intelligence, beauty, virtue and charm. There are cats that need love, cats that need a bath and cats that get themselves and their owners into all sorts of trouble. But in their own ways, they are mysterious, adorable and inspiring. As the duo attempts to record the stories of the society, they find themselves collecting amazing tales, solving family dilemmas and mending broken hearts, all while enjoying the company of some very special felines in Catscratch Fever and Other Stories.
Something Missing
"The story of an obsessive-compulsive housebreaker whose every waking moment is jam-packed with finicky clockwork ritual--the kind of intense micro-planning that might have made even Napoleon back off...Matthew Dicks has created an unforgettable character that will have you torn between wanting to throttle him--or adopt him." --Alan Bradley, author of the New York Times bestselling Flavia de Luce novels A career criminal with OCD tendencies and a savant-like genius for bringing order to his crime scenes, Martin considers himself one of the best. After all, he's been able to steal from the same people for years on end--virtually undetected. Of course, this could also be because of his unique business model--taking only items that will go unnoticed by the homeowner. After all, who would notice a missing roll of toilet paper here, a half-used bottle of maple syrup there, or even a rarely used piece of china buried deep within a dusty cabinet? Even though he's never met these homeowners, spending hours in their houses, looking through their photo albums and reading their journals, he feels like he knows them. So Martin decides to meddle more in their lives--playing the part of a rather odd guardian angel--even though it means breaking many of his neurotic rules. In this hilarious, suspenseful and often profound novel about a man used to planning every second of his life, Martin comes to realize that life is much better lived on the edge (at least some of the time).
The Rascal of the Railroad Shack
The mother of twelve years old Jeremiah farms out her misbehaving son to a Georgia railroad watchman, Clysters to work as a cowherder at his rustic railroad shack. Jeremiah meets Mr. Toplynch, a limping horse trader, nicknamed Horsefoot; the watchman mother in law, better known as the hag; Pickshyst, the country bumpkin neighbor; old man, Buck Koch, a true friend and adviser, Bertie Bangaux, a knock-kneed bitch; Satchelmouth Billie-Joe, the chivalrous cattle driver and best man on most local weddings; Rosie the fair maiden, Percy Googlynch the ghost and other odd characters. Riding on an avalanche of outrageously funny confrontations and regional colloquialisms, this irreverent and hilarious story of mistreatment and retaliations quickly unfolds and sparkles vividly on each page. Will Jeremiah, a progressive minded and witty but powerless deckhand succeed against a backward group of greedy white thrash and write down, for the whole world to know, his grand, justice for all thoughts before he forgets them while he must work hard to earn his living? The reader of this book will take a side-splitting but mind soothing trip into the past that existed before electricity, cars and of course, text messaging.
Confessions of a Contractor
Selected as a "sizzling beach read" by the New York Daily News, Richard Murphy's debut novel explains what it really means to be a full-service contractor Henry Sullivan has spent seventeen years renovating houses for wealthy women, and he owes his success to a few simple rules: don't take on too many jobs at once-and don't sleep with clients. Over the course of one complicated summer, Henry breaks those rules when he works on the houses of two very different women who used to be friends. Henry falls for both women, and finds himself erecting an emotional house of cards as he attempts to complete their jobs while piecing together the mysterious events that demolished the women's friendship.
Me Bandy, You Cissie
The Great War may be finished, but Bartholomew Bandy isn't. After not quite succeeding in defeating communism in Russia, he's returning to the New World when he meets shy, awkward Cissie Chaffington, whose first glimmerings of interest in aviation appear when she sends a cooked duck soaring through the ship's first-class dining room. More than just terminal embarrassment stands in the way of their happiness, however. Her father, for example, takes a violent dislike to Bandy - even before Bandy blows up Cyril Chaffington's hotel. And then who should turn up but the diminutive Dasha, the former Bolshevik (sort of) nurse whom Bandy married (sort of) in Russia, where she betrayed him (more or less) to the mercy (or lack thereof) of the Red Cavalry. Between sorting all of this out, carrying airmail, and trying to start his own aviation business while dodging flappers and bootleggers, Bandy hardly has time to be a silent movie star... This edition includes Banner's Headline, a radio play by Donald Jack published here for the first time. In it we discover what happens when Arthur Banner, a rocket scientist, gets passed over for promotion one too many times, and decides to resign to work on a project of his own.
A Gentleman's Guide to Graceful Living
Arthur Camden's greatest talents are for packing and unpacking suitcases, making coleslaw, and second-guessing every decision in his life. When his business fails and his wife leaves him--to pursue more aggressive men--Arthur finds that he has none of the talents and finesse that everyone else seems to possess for navigating New York society.
The Bald Identity
Have you ever wondered about a world without reality television or social networking? Were you arrogant enough to believe you had the faintest idea about hair loss? What exactly is 'hairnergy'? Should fat people have the same rights as everyone else? If you've never once thought about any of these questions then your life has no meaning. Join former Government agent Trey Bald, as his story of love, friendship and terror takes him around the world and into situations that have moulded him into one of todays most respected bald role models.
B As in Beauty
Everyone in the world, it seems, is either prettier or thinner (or both) than Beauty Marie Zavala. And the only thing "B" resents more than her name is the way others judge her for the extra 40 pounds she can't lose. At least she has her career. Or did, until she overhears her boss criticizing her weight and devising a scheme to keep her from being promoted. Enter B's new tax accountant, a modern-day matchmaker determined to boost B's flagging self-esteem by introducing her to rich, successful men who will accept her for who she is. As B's confidence blossoms, so do her fantasies of revenge. But will B find true happiness or true disaster when she unwittingly falls for the one guy she shouldn't?
Don't Call Me Angus
Just the mention of St. Andrews stirs excitement in the heart of every golfer. But to young Angus MacKay, living in the Swilken Bank Hotel, overlooking the eighteenth hole of St. Andrews' Old Course was not particularly awe inducing. But it was, an adventure. Don't Call Me Angus is a mixture of fiction and memoir that recounts the story of a Scottish family during the 1960s and 1970s. In this pleasant and amusing collection of tales, author Gus Mackenzie writes of the emotions and moderate dramas generated by years of telling and retelling family tales. With beautifully descriptive narratives tinged with an ever-present humorous wink and a nod, the adventures begin with the MacKay family; Angus, the youngest son, his brother, sister, parents, and assorted relatives who live in and manage the Swilken Bank Hotel. Despite encounters with Bing Crosby, Sean Connery, Tony Jacklin, and Christopher Lee, Angus's real adventures stemmed from the fire in room 9 and eventful trips to his grandmother's house in Kirkcaldy. Layered with light hearted insight, Angus delves into the posh and unique life of the family Mackay as they live in the shadow of the iconic St. Andrews.
Don't Call Me Angus
Just the mention of St. Andrews stirs excitement in the heart of every golfer. But to young Angus MacKay, living in the Swilken Bank Hotel, overlooking the eighteenth hole of St. Andrews' Old Course was not particularly awe inducing. But it was, an adventure. Don't Call Me Angus is a mixture of fiction and memoir that recounts the story of a Scottish family during the 1960s and 1970s. In this pleasant and amusing collection of tales, author Gus Mackenzie writes of the emotions and moderate dramas generated by years of telling and retelling family tales. With beautifully descriptive narratives tinged with an ever-present humorous wink and a nod, the adventures begin with the MacKay family; Angus, the youngest son, his brother, sister, parents, and assorted relatives who live in and manage the Swilken Bank Hotel. Despite encounters with Bing Crosby, Sean Connery, Tony Jacklin, and Christopher Lee, Angus's real adventures stemmed from the fire in room 9 and eventful trips to his grandmother's house in Kirkcaldy. Layered with light hearted insight, Angus delves into the posh and unique life of the family Mackay as they live in the shadow of the iconic St. Andrews.
Doms Need Love Too!
In the humorous novel DOMs Need Love Too!, a Yale psychology professor encounters a small group of healthy, vigorous, flag-loving seniors at a racquetball and health club and secretly decides to create a case study out of the merry makers, better known as the Day Old Muffins. Middle-aged Eve is obligated to submit an academic paper titled Men Without Partners to the University at the conclusion of the school year. When she witnesses the senior comrades hitting on a young, pretty maiden with an array of grandiose promises, she is both dismayed and intrigued by their sophomoric behavior. As Eve infiltrates the voyeuristic group to study their chauvinistic attitudes, she wonders if there is such a thing as male menopause-a condition that causes men to overcompensate a diminished libido. Eve is surprised to find the men boast an intellectual depth beyond her expectations and as two Day Old Muffins vie for her attention, jealously, extortion, and love encircle the group, complicating matters even further. As Eve seeks to uncover the nature of the force which brings the six men together so faithfully, her analytical harness is unleashed, revealing her true womanhood.
Doms Need Love Too!
In the humorous novel DOMs Need Love Too!, a Yale psychology professor encounters a small group of healthy, vigorous, flag-loving seniors at a racquetball and health club and secretly decides to create a case study out of the merry makers, better known as the Day Old Muffins. Middle-aged Eve is obligated to submit an academic paper titled Men Without Partners to the University at the conclusion of the school year. When she witnesses the senior comrades hitting on a young, pretty maiden with an array of grandiose promises, she is both dismayed and intrigued by their sophomoric behavior. As Eve infiltrates the voyeuristic group to study their chauvinistic attitudes, she wonders if there is such a thing as male menopause-a condition that causes men to overcompensate a diminished libido. Eve is surprised to find the men boast an intellectual depth beyond her expectations and as two Day Old Muffins vie for her attention, jealously, extortion, and love encircle the group, complicating matters even further. As Eve seeks to uncover the nature of the force which brings the six men together so faithfully, her analytical harness is unleashed, revealing her true womanhood.
Off Ramp
Three senior citizen widows living in the Texas Hill Country Guadalupe Retirement Center learn, by happenstance, the nearby location of half-a-million dollars temporarily stashed by two couriers who are delivering the illicit cash to their dope cartel boss across the Mexican border in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas. This knowledge motivates the three elderly ladies to initiate a plan to steal the money from the hoodlums and run away from their retirement center in a motor home to experience the wild life in Las Vegas and the west. Rose and Aldo Chambers, a retired couple who are driving their camper to Quartzsite, Arizona, inadvertently cross paths with the three widows on Interstate Ten. The quintet join forces in an effort to evade the thugs from which the cash was stolen. For OFF RAMP readers, you may enjoy escaping from the crime cartel with them. How often do you get to participate in a 'cat and mouse' game with ill-tempered narcotic traffickers?
