Vertical Lines
An entertaining (and often sidesplitting) collection of wit, humor, and cleverness. Page after page of words of wisdom sharing space with wisecracks, puns, sarcasm, and famous quotations ensure that you will laugh and smile as the stresses of the day fade away. Vertical Lines is a treasure trove of intelligent word play, sometimes sardonic, sometimes sarcastic, and (best of all) sometimes just laugh-out-loud funny! Open to any page and see for yourself....Samples: I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. Necrophilia is that uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one. Impotence is nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.Amnesia is nature's way of saying, "Forget it!" Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. I am nobody; nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
An Epic Odyssey of Madness and Mayhem
It was a year like none other. We learned to see ourselves, and each other, differently. We found new ways to do life. From the sublime to the ridiculous, the tragic to the absurd to the occasional ray of hope, the long, winding road that was the year 2020 is captured here in a series of essays. Thought-provoking and familiar, Bastos's writing encapsulates what we learned, and the work that is still left to do. Join her on a truth journey that will be uneasy, fun, and in the end will help us find the elusive good stuff that the year 2020 left us--if we so choose.
What are you going to do with that Booger?
This story is about an educator saying to a child, "So what are you going to do with that booger?" It is a humorous journey in which the student learns what not to do with a booger, that is until the very end of the story. This book is helpful for families, educators, preschool or nursery school children, and anyone who knows of someone who picks their nose.
But You Seemed So Happy
In this tender, funny, and sharp companion to her acclaimed memoir-in-essays Amateur Hour, Kimberly Harrington explores and confronts marriage, divorce, and the ways love, loss, and longing shape a life.Six weeks after Kimberly and her husband announced their divorce, she began work on a book that she thought would only be about divorce -- heavy on the dark humor with a light coating of anger and annoyance. After all, on the heels of planning to dissolve a twenty-year marriage they had chosen to still live together in the same house with their kids. Throw in a global pandemic and her idea of what the end of a marriage should look and feel like was flipped even further on its head. This originally dark and caustic exploration turned into a more empathetic exercise, as she worked to understand what this relationship meant and why marriage matters so much. Over the course of two years of what was supposed to be a temporary period of transition, she sifted through her past--how she formed her ideas about relationships, sex, marriage, and divorce. And she dug back into the history of her marriage -- how she and her future ex-husband had met, what it felt like to be madly in love, how they had changed over time, the impact having children had on their relationship, and what they still owed one another. But You Seemed So Happy is a time capsule of sorts. It's about getting older and repeatedly dying on the hill of being wiser, only to discover you were never all that dumb to begin with. It's an honest, intimate biography of a marriage, from its heady, idealistic, and easy beginnings to it slowly coming apart and finally to its evolution into something completely unexpected. As she probes what it means when everyone assumes you're happy as long as you're still married, Harrington skewers engagement photos, Gen X singularity, small-town busybodies, and the casual way we make life-altering decisions when we're young. Ultimately, this moving and funny memoir in essays is a vulnerable and irreverent act of forgiveness--of ourselves, our partners, and the relationships that have run their course but will always hold profound and permanent meaning in our lives.
Memeories
The Peoples View of Politics 2020. This is my personal collection of memes created to raise awareness, generate laughter and share our country's political and social landscape.
Happyland
Happyland is the story of a young man coming of age in 60's America. From Catholic school right on through the millennium, this is a collection of neighborhood stories about growing up in the city that will amuse and enthrall you. When compiling all the memories, challenges, and laughter from my youth, out of nowhere came the idea to actually document them and write THIS BOOK. I hope you will enjoy the actual stories herein, and have to catch your breath from laughter. It was a CRAZY time in the country, and even crazier where I was raised. It was a time when all Americans struggled through the Civil rights movement, the Vietnam WAR, and the challenges that were born out of the times. It is an amusing and disturbing tale, born on the back of napkins, paper plates, pizza boxes, and wherever else I could scrawl down the flood of life's memories that came my way. The language is RAW, like the stories, and keep the feeling throughout the book REAL. Nuns, hippies, bums, boss, hip, cool, the fuzz, the music, the ice cream man, the junkies, drunks, hookers, whores, fire hydrants on that killer hot summer day, and the inevitable street fights that were born as the result of the social upheaval that was the day. The names have been changed to protect the guilty, and the innocent. Though the 60's were an immensely difficult time for everyone, they bore fond memories of the way we lived our young lives. If you're looking for a laugh, you just FOUND IT!! AWAY we go! Now entering HAPPYLAND.....
And yet It Moves!
You only need to open the daily newspaper to see how our world is absurd . You can be scared of what our future is going to be or you can take some distance and look at it with a smile as humor is probably the only way to survive the human stupidity. This book is made of over 70 short stories which seems at first to be crazy or absurd ...but when you think twice and look at the newspaper again you will see that the reality is even more crazy and absurd than the fiction. But behind the funny situations and behaviors, humor is indeed a very ''serious'' thing and certainly the closest to philosophy. You laugh first, then you start thinking and your laugh becomes a mirthless chuckle . Yes our world moves permanently between the extremes of the absurd: The comedy and the tragedy . And we, the unwitting passengers of our planet, we have no choice other than to hold as best we can to survive, like someone clinging to the ropes of a swing trying to avoid being ejected
Sie kennen mich, ich bin ein Menschenfreund
Die Kolumnen entstanden zwischen 2011 und 2015 f羹r das M繹nchengladbacher Guru-Magazin. Ein zweiter Band mit Kolumnen ab 2016 ist soeben als Taschenbuch erschienen.
Vorsicht, freilaufender Menschenfreund
Der Menschenfreund Helmut Wichlatz meldet sich mit dem zweiten Band seiner Kolumnen zur羹ck. Sie entstanden zwischen 2016 und 2020 unter anderem f羹r das M繹nchengladbacher Guru-Magazin. Das Ergebnis ist eine Sammlung ebenso tiefsinniger wie erheiternder und entlarvender Texte, in der Sie den Autor als wahren Freund der Menschen kennenlernen. Stimmen zu Helmut Wichlatz: "Der Martenstein vom Niederrhein" - Krimiautor Kurt Lehmkuhl "Der hat hier Hausverbot" - Ein Gastwirt aus Erkelenz "Helmut ist der Beste" - Schwager Jochen Sch瓣fer
And yet It Moves!
You only need to open the daily newspaper to see how our world is absurd . You can be scared of what our future is going to be or you can take some distance and look at it with a smile as humor is probably the only way to survive the human stupidity. This book is made of over 70 short stories which seems at first to be crazy or absurd ...but when you think twice and look at the newspaper again you will see that the reality is even more crazy and absurd than the fiction. But behind the funny situations and behaviors, humor is indeed a very ''serious'' thing and certainly the closest to philosophy. You laugh first, then you start thinking and your laugh becomes a mirthless chuckle . Yes our world moves permanently between the extremes of the absurd: The comedy and the tragedy . And we, the unwitting passengers of our planet, we have no choice other than to hold as best we can to survive, like someone clinging to the ropes of a swing trying to avoid being ejected
The Pessimist’s Guide to the Future
The Pessimist's Guide to the Future is a cynical and light-hearted journey through the future that awaits us all, guided by the sort of bleary-eyed degenerate you wouldn't want to make eye contact with at the pub, based on research conducted by inhaling diesel fumes with a recurring dream of eating custard in the bath. It contains adult humour consisting of swearing and vulgarity, often arranged into sentences. Have you ever wondered what the future will be like? Neither have most people who've got things to do, but one thing's for sure: it will be a wild and nonsensical place where up is down, left is right, and yogurt comes out of the shower. Never fear, however; The Pessimist's Guide to the Future is your ticket to some sort of fear-induced brain haemorrhage due to its amazing facts about every aspect of the future. Learn about vital future topics for our future survival on this ant-filled space orb we call a planet, such as: - Health and Humanity - Covering topics such as bodily and mental health, sex, marriage, dating and the sweet embrace of death. - Technology - Expounding on the many virtues and pitfalls of the future of technology, such as the next bleeping, irritating gadget. - Professional Life - A journey through the world of engineers, managers, doctors, lawyers and everyone else still pretending to work. - Society - How will important things such as politics, bullying, and moving house look in the future? I don't know, but I wrote it anyway. - The World - Climate change, international relations and war will dominate the headlines of the future, and also this section of the book. - Culture - Our future lives will be shaped by our shared cultural exploits from television to art, and anything slightly pretentious in between.
Holy Cow That Water is COLD!
There I sat, trying to hold the boys up and out of the freezing cold toilet water. It was inevitable that one or both would slip out of my grasp from time to time and create a splash. After much thought and countless hours at the drawing board determined to come up with an answer to this frigid dilemma, I finally realized the solution. There was already a "Nut Nest" out there. They are available in most any sporting goods stores and many men's departments in clothing stores. The answer was a "jock strap"! That's right the answer was lurking all this time, pushed to the dark recesses of my underwear drawer. THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN SOLVED!
Of Our Times
Linda H. Dye is a wife, mother, and friend. Living her entire life in a small rural town in Georgia has yielded the opportunity for up close and personal relationships with an assortment of interesting people and situations. Linda writes with the knowledge, experience, and understanding of life well lived. Her keen observations and an active imagination result in stories that evoke a delightful array of smiles, laughter, and nostalgia, with perhaps a speck of melancholy thrown in for good measure. Included in this book are forty-seven fun to read entries so entertaining you are likely to find it difficult to read just one.
Concerning Trump
Parody can be defined as: "... a literary work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule." - Merriam-Webster Dictionary Political parody may help those of us cope who have a liberal or moderate political disposition. It may also help make bearable these turbulent political times under the growing shadow of Trumpism. This frequently somber, sometimes humorous volume reimagines historical quotes with a keen eye focused on Donald J. Trump, Trumpism, and his Republican party. But beware. This book can only be taken in small doses. Like arsenic. If you read it and start feeling ill, that's a good sign, a sign that you've been paying attention to what's been going on in our country under the Trump regime. Set it aside for a while. But never set aside your vigilance for men like Donald J. Trump.
Concerning Trump
Parody can be defined as: "... a literary work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule." - Merriam-Webster Dictionary Political parody may help those of us cope who have a liberal or moderate political disposition. It may also help make bearable these turbulent political times under the growing shadow of Trumpism. This frequently somber, sometimes humorous volume reimagines historical quotes with a keen eye focused on Donald J. Trump, Trumpism, and his Republican party. But beware. This book can only be taken in small doses. Like arsenic. If you read it and start feeling ill, that's a good sign, a sign that you've been paying attention to what's been going on in our country under the Trump regime. Set it aside for a while. But never set aside your vigilance for men like Donald J. Trump.
Put Your Sh*t Away
"The characters in this book seem really familiar. I can't quite put my finger on why."--Author's Husband"Well, I'm writing a book titled Quit Moving My Sh*t!"-- Author's DadPut Your Sh*t Away: A Bedtime Story For the Messy is a quiet but pointed plea to people whose sh*t is everywhere. It looks like a children's book, but it most definitely is not. Using authentic language and gorgeous illustrations, Put Your Sh*t Away details real-life, often unspoken scenarios from boxes of floppy discs to dirty laundry sitting on the ground next to the hamper.Buy this book for the messy person in your life. Gift it to them with no explanation, then wait for them to get the point, or not. Either way, we'll hope for the best.
The 100 Greatest Dad Jokes of All-Time
The #1 Bestselling Book The 100 Greatest Dad Jokes of All Time is the book you've been looking for.With new school humour, one liners, puns, "dad facts", and much more The 100 Greatest Dad Jokes of All Time is a fun collection of jokes guaranteed to put a smile on your face.★★★★★ "You don't need to be a dad to appreciate these gems." ★★★★★ "Such a fun gift. I could hear my husband laughing in the bathroom." ★★★★★ "I know my husband and our kids are going to get a good kick out of them!"Tags: 100 greatest, 100 funniest, dad jokes, gifts for dad, dad gifts, fathers day, Riddles and brain teasers, riddles and trick questions, riddles book, riddles book for kids, riddles for kids, riddles for kids aged 5-12, riddles and puzzles, jokes and riddles, jokes book, jokes book for kids, jokes children, jokes for kids, stocking stuffer, jokes kids, activity book, activities
Another 1001 One-Liners and Short Jokes
Here it is! Another fabulous compilation of the funniest and best-loved one-liners and short jokes. Savour this second volume in this Ultimate Collection of One-Liners and Short Jokes. Another rip-roaring, hilarious bunch of gags. "I wanted to join Paranoids Anonymous but they wouldn't tell me where they met""I've been telling people about the benefit of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness""I tried taking a selfie in the shower but it keeps coming out blurry. I have selfie steam issues"In 'Another 1001 One-Liners and Short Jokes' each joke has been placed in a category like Doctors, Politics and Sex for easy reference.You're in for a real treat with over 1000 giggles, groans and belly laughs designed to lift your mood and make your day! If laughter is the best medicine, then there's enough here to banish the Covid blues, raise your spirits and have a good laugh again!The ultimate fun-fest!
Everything You Need To Know About Being A Parent
In all of its 100+ pages, this book reveals all there is to know about being the perfect parent. The author discusses topics such as: Things people don't tell you about being a first-time parent, Life with more than one child, Communicating effectively to get your child to listen and to do what you ask of them, Managing family, work and still have time for yourself, How to Effectively get 8 hours of sleep without fail (Even with 10 kids!!!), Self-care, Keeping the romance going with your other half, Settling Tantrums, Getting your kids to eat their vegetables, Potty Training, How to stop sibling fights, ..... and many many more. Perfect parenting LOL is a myth in itself. A great gag gift for any parent. This book is almost completely blank! It can be used as a notebook or as a journal to write about your exciting world of parenting. Remember, parenting is a journey. Have fun, trust your instincts, learn from your ups and downs, and don't forget to breathe.
The Most Interesting League In the World
Bob Dylan, Vladimir Putin, Princess Di, Julie Andrews, Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia. Timothy McViegh, Liberace, Michael Jackson (just to drop a few names) and the NFL?YES, In THE MOST INTERESTING LEAGUE IN THE WORLD you'll find stories linking this eclectic group to the NFL in surprising and interesting ways.And a few cameo appearances by Queen Elizabeth, Pope Francis, Muahammad Ali among others in this unique look at the history of the National Football League.What connects Bob Dylan and the Green Bay Packers?Which former NFL coach is the subject of an opera?What is Steve Jobs enduring connection to every Super Bowl?What does Blind Sheikh Omar have to do with the Kansas City Chiefs?And how did a former NFL player contribute to the popularity of the Chinese National Anthem?These questions are answered in THE MOST INTERESTING LEAGUE IN THE WORLDAlong with other tantalizing facts from the worlds of ...MUSIC--Marvin Gaye, Sinatra, Eminem, Drake, Prince, Jimmy Buffet, Lil Wayne, Fats Domino, Eminem and moreFILM--Tom Hanks, Julie Andrews, Charlton Heston, Robin Williams, Robert Duvall and Star WarsCULTURE-Thomas Hart Benton, George R R Martin, Leon Uris, the KardashiansEven the animal kingdom represented by an alligator, a gorilla, a shark, a monkey, chickens, pigeons, a goat and a gentleman chimpanzee and more.POLITICS-Harry Truman, LBJ, JFK, Barack Obama, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Donald Trump, Rutherford B. Hayes, Herbert Hoover;s wife and one tidbit about Nancy PelosiThree stories about Al Capone6 stories about JFKAnd 6 count'em, 6 tales about curses.Stories about an astronaut, a hangman, an alleged hit man and a couple of murders thrown in here and there.Fans, Owners, Sex, Gambling, War, Crime even sadly murder kind of like the Bible.All inside the pages of THE MOST INTERESTING LEAGUE IN THE WORLDAltogether an array of tales that should pique the interest of every football fan and those who are not so familiar with the game in what may be the most unique book on pro football EVER..
Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village
NATIONAL BESTSELLER - Considering a trip to a quaint English village? You'll think twice after learning about the countless murderous possibilities lurking behind the bucolic fa癟ades, thanks to this illustrated guide from #1 bestselling author Maureen Johnson and illustrator Jay Cooper--perfect for fans of cozy mysteries. A weekend roaming narrow old lanes, touring the faded glories of a country manor, and quaffing pints in the pub. How charming. That is, unless you have the misfortune of finding yourself in an English Murder Village, where danger lurks around each picturesque cobblestone corner and every sip of tea may be your last. If you insist on your travels, do yourself a favor and bring a copy of this little book. It may just keep you alive. Brought to life with dozens of Gorey-esque drawings by illustrator Jay Cooper and peppered with allusions to classic crime series and unmistakably British murder lore, Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village gives you the tools you need to avoid the same fate, should you find yourself in a suspiciously cozy English village (or simply dream of going). Good luck! And whatever you do, avoid the vicar.
Murdering Mr. Edwards
One obnoxious English teacher. Twelve tales of his death.The English department head, Norton Edwards, is the reigning despot in Canterbury High. This year, his colleagues have had enough. This year, they're getting rid of Mr. Edwards.In this collection tongue-in-cheek stories, Mr. Edwards dies, tale after tale."A clever, funny and totally engaging noir-vella! Loved it!" Diana Gabaldon, author of Outlander"If you have never, ever considered murdering someone, then you have never worked in a high school." Scott Anderson, school principal"If you've ever taught in a high school, attended a high school, or even driven past a high school, you will enjoy Murdering Mr. Edwards." Chris McMahen, author of Box of Shocks, Tabloidology, & KlutzhoodNominated for a 2019 Arthur Ellis Crime Writing Award: The Lou Allin Memorial Best Crime Novella prize.
Hodi’s Kilimanjaro Adventures
Hodi is a young, adventurous lioness with a restless nature. She's not very good at learning lioness duties and she longs to do something that no lion or lioness has ever done.One day, she has a revelation that she lives at the foot of the tallest mountain in Africa, Mount Kilimanjaro. She sets off to discover this mountain with or without the help of her friends, a leopard and a tarantula. What she finds at the snow cap mountain is not what she expects but what she brings home is just what her family needs.
Tragic Fools
No judgement, no fear.Our Heroine is a hot mess of emerging abilities and inappropriate behaviour. The Daughters of Seth Prophecy is underway, and every dark entity out there is trying to stop it. It's a gong show of sexy pulse-racing, bust a gut laughing mishaps embracing their afterlife duties while gaining powers. Attachments cause drama as Ankh awaits a birth to begin training the next group of Correction survivours for their Immortal Testing. You'll be on the edge of your seat with jaw-dropping plot twists that will blow your mind and make you question everything. The crackling tires were echoing. She should ask them to pull over, something was happening to her. She'd had this sense of ability related foreboding before, it rarely went well. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Be calm. Her peripheral vision flickered ominously. Her heart was thudding like she ran a marathon. She'd been asleep for a day and a half. She needed to feed her ability but didn't want these new people to know she fed off immortal energy. It might make things awkward. Killian smelled amazing. He had sweet, tasty, potent pheromones. She needed to get out of here. She wiped her brow. Her throat was so dry, she could barely swallow. If she ate them all, they'd have a nice long nap. Usually, someone called her out on her feral inner commentary by now. Maybe they couldn't hear it? That was unfortunate, survival of the fittest wise."BUY IT NOW!
A Soldier’s Tale of Combating Hangovers
"I simply could not put it down-marvelous storytelling. This book makes you want more. Aside from being incredibly funny, S.D. Turner honors America's soldiers past and present. I could see A Soldier's Tale of Combating Hangovers being adapted into a mini-series."- MAJ Donald "Captain Hand-grenade" Vandergriff, MA, FRSA, US Army (Ret)A Soldier's Tale of Combating Hangovers: Debauchery Before the Internet is the funniest damn book you'll ever read about the military. S.D. Turner, in his debut memoir, brilliantly captures the mood and spirit of life in the early 1990s. After signing up for the Army's delayed entry program at sixteen years old, he found himself at Kentucky's Fort Knox a week after his eighteenth birthday. As a new recruit, the story starts with him running from irate drill sergeants and ends with him running from 1,800-pound angry bulls in the cobbled streets of Pamplona, Spain. Part One follows his 4-month training cycle where the recruits are at the hands of the drill sergeants and every torturous, but funny punishment they can dole out. Having come from a long line of service members, S.D. Turner breaks down the hysterical irony of it all in perfect fashion, as he masterfully puts the encoded world of the military into a language that civilians will understand and service members, young and old, will appreciate. It's a page-turner that will have you wanting more.Part(y) Two finds our author stationed in the beer capital of the world-Germany. As a newly minted soldier on his first night in Europe, he wasted no time in drinking too much, as he defiles a First Sergeant's boots with pizza and beer. Follow along as he finds his first experiences, like driving on the famed Autobahn, mostly-naked, in a 10-ton Army truck, and with an audience of French tourist buses, are usually down-right laughable. He guarantees you will look at soldiers in trucks very differently. Beer fests, an unauthorized weekend in Amsterdam, being chased by the German Polizei and Military Police in one night all happened before the advent and proof of the internet.Aside from being laugh-out-loud, the story, interestingly, is not all beer brawls and bull fights. The subtle theme is the author's reflective quality on character and the bonds of brotherhood that were developed, while their mostly innocent and youthful spirits soared in the moment. As WWII was less than a half-century removed, the rich European history they lived and breathed was not in the least lost on the author. S.D. Turner and company literally walked the hallowed footsteps of Patton at the Battle of the Bulge, slept in barracks still adorned with Swastikas, and hiked a section of the D-Day invasion. The humor is a constant throughout the book, but the subtle theme that every service member can appreciate, is the one quality that defines them as soldiers, airmen and airwomen, marines and sailors-adaptability in every situation. The author has seemingly pulled back the curtain into not only the past, but into a world about the military that few knew existed-the funnier side of all the guns, guts, and glory. America is wrought with warrior heroes, and having only combated hangovers in Europe, the author pays a fitting tribute to the humor of life as a soldier. Sit back and enjoy this hilarious and unbelievable journey and meet some of his closest brothers in the storyline, as they regularly hold reunions.
A Soldier’s Tale of Combating Hangovers
"I simply could not put it down-marvelous storytelling. This book makes you want more. Aside from being incredibly funny, S.D. Turner honors America's soldiers past and present. I could see A Soldier's Tale of Combating Hangovers being adapted into a mini-series."- MAJ Donald "Captain Hand-grenade" Vandergriff, MA, FRSA, US Army (Ret)A Soldier's Tale of Combating Hangovers: Debauchery Before the Internet is the funniest damn book you'll ever read about the military. S.D. Turner, in his debut memoir, brilliantly captures the mood and spirit of life in the early 1990s. After signing up for the Army's delayed entry program at sixteen years old, he found himself at Kentucky's Fort Knox a week after his eighteenth birthday. As a new recruit, the story starts with him running from irate drill sergeants and ends with him running from 1,800-pound angry bulls in the cobbled streets of Pamplona, Spain. Part One follows his 4-month training cycle where the recruits are at the hands of the drill sergeants and every torturous, but funny punishment they can dole out. Having come from a long line of service members, S.D. Turner breaks down the hysterical irony of it all in perfect fashion, as he masterfully puts the encoded world of the military into a language that civilians will understand and service members, young and old, will appreciate. It's a page-turner that will have you wanting more.Part(y) Two finds our author stationed in the beer capital of the world-Germany. As a newly minted soldier on his first night in Europe, he wasted no time in drinking too much, as he defiles a First Sergeant's boots with pizza and beer. Follow along as he finds his first experiences, like driving on the famed Autobahn, mostly-naked, in a 10-ton Army truck, and with an audience of French tourist buses, are usually down-right laughable. He guarantees you will look at soldiers in trucks very differently. Beer fests, an unauthorized weekend in Amsterdam, being chased by the German Polizei and Military Police in one night all happened before the advent and proof of the internet.Aside from being laugh-out-loud, the story, interestingly, is not all beer brawls and bull fights. The subtle theme is the author's reflective quality on character and the bonds of brotherhood that were developed, while their mostly innocent and youthful spirits soared in the moment. As WWII was less than a half-century removed, the rich European history they lived and breathed was not in the least lost on the author. S.D. Turner and company literally walked the hallowed footsteps of Patton at the Battle of the Bulge, slept in barracks still adorned with Swastikas, and hiked a section of the D-Day invasion. The humor is a constant throughout the book, but the subtle theme that every service member can appreciate, is the one quality that defines them as soldiers, airmen and airwomen, marines and sailors-adaptability in every situation. The author has seemingly pulled back the curtain into not only the past, but into a world about the military that few knew existed-the funnier side of all the guns, guts, and glory. America is wrought with warrior heroes, and having only combated hangovers in Europe, the author pays a fitting tribute to the humor of life as a soldier. Sit back and enjoy this hilarious and unbelievable journey and meet some of his closest brothers in the storyline, as they regularly hold reunions.
This Book is Shocking!
"Book Reviews""This is the biggest ----hit in the history of the world." --Portions of this review have been redacted."This book is UNIQUE, ...it's one of a kind, ...it's NOT like any mother. " Sigmund Freud"I no books, and this guy can really right." --A real quote, from the New York Times.-------- "A bonus review" ------------"This is the greatest book ever written." --God
Big Game Hunting 101
Never was the notion of "explore, experience, and evolve" more clear to Fred than the day he stepped into the dark woods alone (at the tender age of 27) and embraced adventure over unqualified panic for the first time in his life. For an entitled, self-confessed, five-star-resort-and-country-club snob, an elk hunting trip seemed unlikely-let alone three of them. But his evolution from elitist with a wine list to someone who discovers and embraces a profound love for the simple, unspoiled outdoors went far beyond just exchanging a coat and tie for more-comfortable camouflage. It was with great excitement (read: blissful ignorance) that he plunged into a world of discomforting unknowns, at the urging of his friend and hunting partner, Jon, who had amassed a lifetime of outdoor experiences and endeavored to pass along his fascination, skills, and love of the great outdoors to Fred, a true greenhorn.In this nonfiction narrative, Fred shares his hunting adventures, along with his missteps, relentless apprehensions, countless dents to his ego, and successes and failures alike, all of which lead to an extraordinary transformation that extends well beyond the forest.The goal (besides eliciting unrelenting bouts of snort-inducing laughter) is to encourage a retreat from cell phones and video games and to breed interest in the outdoors. Fred shares these experiences that have had a profound effect on him in the hope that it will encourage others to leap at the opportunity to experience life firsthand, engage all five senses, and explore this amazing world for themselves. Walk side by side with him as he confronts his own personal demons, along with intimidating animals that threaten his privileged existence, in a vast, unfamiliar, and often uncomfortable environment.
This Book is Shocking!
"Book Reviews""This is the biggest ----hit in the history of the world." --Portions of this review have been redacted."This book is UNIQUE, ...it's one of a kind, ...it's NOT like any mother. " Sigmund Freud"I no books, and this guy can really right." --A real quote, from the New York Times.-------- "A bonus review" ------------"This is the greatest book ever written." --God
Cake, anyone?
While life as we know it is falling apart, there is always cake (as long as you have flour, that is). In this collection of nonfiction, Liz Champion captures the chaos, confusion and comedy of her daily life in lockdown. Whether it's introducing a new three-mop cleaning system, hunting for flour, planning socially distanced birthdays, moving house (yes, moving house in a pandemic), or trying to navigate the new normal with an asthma cough, parents and misbehaving dogs, Liz shares stories that are honest, relatable, and quick to find the funny side of life. In a year when there's not been much to smile about, Liz's stories always elicit a chuckle. So put the kettle on, cut yourself some cake, and join her as she serves up slices of lockdown life that are guaranteed to make you smile.
Love Is Bananas
Trey Humphreys battled love all his life. He couldn't define it, didn't know why he disliked his life or himself, and really didn't believe in love. Then, eight years ago, a business coach asked him a simple question that changed his life forever - "What is your definition of love?" It blindsided him. His answer was awful, and it set him on a journey around the world to define it. Love Is Bananas - One Man's Journey to Discover the Most Important Word in the World is his story of enlightenment. From a broken man with a romantic story in Yemen to a snake-handling preacher in Kentucky to a 28-year-old, dying homeless girl in Nashville and countless more, Trey has asked the same three questions about love and been amazed by the answers. From it all, Trey has become a true believer in himself and others. His hope is that you find love in these pages and let it become contagious in your life. For anyone who has been in love, wants to find it, or needs to discover self-love, come laugh, cry, and love with Trey. His witty charm and brutal honesty will wash over you like a refreshing forest stream.
The ABC’s of Adulting
Do you know any "adults" who still can't do their own laundry?The "ABCs of Adulting" might be able to help! From "A is for Alarm Clock" to "N is for News", this book follows Little Peggy as she tries to conquer an alphabet of various adult activities she doesn't want to do. Especially taxes. She'd much rather be eating tacos.The best part? It breaks up these teachings in alphabetical order. The even better yet part? This book has illustrations, meaning it's easy to follow along, even when you don't feel like reading words. Watch as Little Peggy has to learn all about the Dow and China (N for news!) in order to trick her boss into thinking that she knows what she's talking about.This book makes perfect gift for the millennials in your life. Or the zoomers in your life. Or the boomers in your life who just never grew up. We guarantee at least one "when I was your age..." lecture if you gift this to your grandparents, just keep them away from letter "P".And hey. If you don't have any millennials, or boomers, or zoomers to gift this to, get it for yourself and read it to your cat. We've done it. Cats love it. If they don't, the pages make great filler for a little box.Treat yo' self and enjoy learning all about the perils that are the "ABCs of Adulting". Grab this new release in time for the holidays!Hysterical collection of adult tasksPremium glossy coverFull color, professional illustrationsAn easy quick gift for the new graduates in your life!
View from the Laundry Chute
View from the Laundry Chute is a collection of short stories from noted humorist and storyteller Deb Klein, which reveal the humor in everyday events throughout her life while utilizing her sharp eye for detail and absurdity.
The Inimitable Jeeves
The Inimitable Jeeves By P. G. WodehouseThe Inimitable Jeeves is a semi-novel collecting Jeeves stories by P. G. Wodehouse, first published in the United Kingdom by Herbert Jenkins, London, on 17 May 1923 and in the United States by George H. Doran, New York, on 28 September 1923, under the title Jeeves.The novel combined 11 previously published stories, of which the first six and the last were split in two, to make a book of 18 chapters. It is now often printed in 11 chapters, mirroring the original stories.All the stories had previously appeared in The Strand Magazine in the UK, between December 1921 and November 1922, except for one, "Jeeves and the Chump Cyril", which had appeared in the Strand in August 1918. That story had appeared in the Saturday Evening Post (US) in June 1918. All the other stories appeared in Cosmopolitan in the US between December 1921 and December 1922.This was the second collection of Jeeves stories, after My Man Jeeves (1919) the next collection would be Carry On, Jeeves, in 1925.All of the short stories are connected and most of them involve Bertie's friend Bingo Little, who is always falling in love. The original story titles and publication dates were as follows (with split chapter titles in parentheses): "Jeeves in the Springtime" - Bertie's friend Bingo is in love with a waitress, Mabel, but fears his uncle won't approve of her. Jeeves suggests a plan using romance novels to sway Bingo's uncle.UK: Strand, December 1921US: Cosmopolitan, December 1921("Jeeves Exerts the Old Cerebellum" and "No Wedding Bells for Bingo")"Aunt Agatha Takes the Count" - Aunt Agatha pushes an unwilling Bertie to marry a girl named Aline Hemingway, who, along with her brother Sidney, appears to be quiet and respectable.UK: Strand, April 1922US: Cosmopolitan, October 1922 (as "Aunt Agatha Makes a Bloomer")("Aunt Agatha Speaks Her Mind" and "Pearls Mean Tears")"Scoring off Jeeves" - Bingo is in love with Honoria Glossop, whom Aunt Agatha wants Bertie to marry. Bertie tries to sort out this dilemma without Jeeves's help.UK: Strand, February 1922US: Cosmopolitan, March 1922 (as "Bertie Gets Even")("The Pride of the Woosters Is Wounded" and "The Hero's Reward")"Sir Roderick Comes to Lunch" - Reluctantly engaged to Honoria Glossop, Bertie must demonstrate to her father, Sir Roderick Glossop, that he is mentally sound. Meanwhile, Bertie's cousins Claude and Eustace appear.UK: Strand, March 1922US: Cosmopolitan, April 1922 (as "Jeeves the Blighter")("Introducing Claude and Eustace" and "Sir Roderick Comes to Lunch")
The Innocents Abroad
The Innocents Abroad, or The New Pilgrims' Progress is a travel book by American author Mark Twain published in 1869 which humorously chronicles what Twain called his "Great Pleasure Excursion" on board the chartered vessel Quaker City (formerly USS Quaker City) through Europe and the Holy Land with a group of American travelers in 1867. It was the best-selling of Twain's works during his lifetime, as well as one of the best-selling travel books of all time.For months the great pleasure excursion to Europe and the Holy Land was chatted about in the newspapers everywhere in America and discussed at countless firesides. It was a novelty in the way of excursions-its like had not been thought of before, and it compelled that interest which attractive novelties always command. It was to be a picnic on a gigantic scale. The participants in it, instead of freighting an ungainly steam ferry-boat with youth and beauty and pies and doughnuts, and paddling up some obscure creek to disembark upon a grassy lawn and wear themselves out with a long summer day's laborious frolicking under the impression that it was fun, were to sail away in a great steamship with flags flying and cannon pealing, and take a royal holiday beyond the broad ocean in many a strange clime and in many a land renowned in history!
Business Missions Accomplished
Funny business happens, especially when you take it on the road. This third book in the "Missions Accomplished" series gets down to business, often UNUSUAL business:: -Beware the "Wuhan Worm"-Survive being hit by a Taipei city bus-Experience expatriate life - earn money as a mercenary-Avoid being taken hostage by your China customer-What to expect when you strand your buddy in Thailand -Why you might not want to work in show business-Flying? Learn how glancing at another passenger's laptop can go very wrong-Inhabit a "bee-hive" hotel in Japan-Learn how to dress up a pig with lipstick, a tutu, and a few million dollars-Get "Shanghaied" by master extortionists-SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE: "Chinese In A Box" - everything you need to speak Mandarin like a native!-...and more silly travel tales"Business Missions Accomplished" will entertain and educate you; you'll want this book before you take that next flight or anytime you need a pleasant diversion in short bite-size chunks loaded with travel -- and business -- wisdom.
More Blonde Jokes
More Funny Blonde JokesInterest: Brace yourself for a hilarious ride with "More Funny Blonde Jokes" - the latest sensation in londe comedy! This vast collection of blonde jokes is not just a book; it's a laughter marathon that promises to tickle your funny bone and lighten up your day with every page you turn.Details: This book is a masterpiece of comedy, carefully crafted with over 250 jokes that range from quick-witted one-liners to amusing story-based gags. Each joke is a unique gem, guaranteed to bring a smile to your face. Here are just a few to whet your appetite: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Ask her to count the stairs on an escalator. Why did the blonde put sugar on her pillow? Because she wanted sweet dreams. What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? Air bubbles. How does a blonde car pool work? They all meet up at work. Why did the blonde return the jigsaw puzzle? She thought it was broken. What's the mating call of a blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk." How does a blonde recharge her love life? She changes the batteries. Did you hear about the blonde who spent twenty minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate". Did you hear about the blonde who shut herself in the fridge as she wanted to know if the light really goes off.There are many more funny blonde jokes, puns, gags and story based jokes in this shamelessly politically incorrect blonde jokes book. There are well over 250 hilarious dumb blonde jokes in total for you to enjoy.Emotion: In a world where stress and worries often take center stage, this book serves as a much-needed escape. It's not just about jokes; it's about creating moments of joy and letting go of the seriousness of life. Every joke is a reminder of the lighter side of life, an invitation to laugh without inhibition.Action: So why wait? Dive into the world of humor with this popular laugh out loud "More Funny Blonde Jokes" book. It's the perfect gift for friends, family, or even yourself. Whether you're in need of a quick cheer-up or looking for the ideal conversation starter at your next gathering, this book is your go-to source for laughter. BUY THIS MORE BLONDE JOKES BOOK NOW and let the laughter begin!
Put Your Sh*t Away!
"The characters in this book seem really familiar. I can't quite put my finger on why."--Author's Husband"Well, I'm writing a book titled Quit Moving My Sh*t!"-- Author's DadPut Your Sh*t Away: A Bedtime Story For the Messy is a quiet but pointed plea to people whose sh*t is everywhere. It looks like a children's book, but it most definitely is not. Using authentic language and gorgeous illustrations, Put Your Sh*t Away details real-life, often unspoken scenarios from boxes of floppy discs to dirty laundry sitting on the ground next to the hamper.Buy this book for the messy person in your life. Gift it to them with no explanation, then wait for them to get the point, or not. Either way, we'll hope for the best.
Happy Birthday Mrs President
Once upon a time, in a strange, savage land, there lived a famous actress. In this absurd country, called the United States of America, nothing was based in reality. This performer was not much different from others in her field, as she was narcissistic and self-absorbed, but her trauma-filled past allowed her to bring something else to the table. This woman was fed by her own instability like a dog is fed by the chicken you left out on the kitchen counter. This actress was eventually swept to power by the upside-down nature of this nation's inhabitants. Winning her bid for the presidency, this budding politician quickly got the hang of governing, if "governing" means hallucinating her advisors and putting her own needs above the needs of the very people who elected her. While her deteriorating mental state might have helped her become a star, it's not box office numbers that are on the line... but nuclear codes. Now that she's in the Oval Office rather than a casting office, things a bit more... serious, to say the least.Intrigue breeds stardom! Stardom breeds influence! Influence breeds stardom... again! And stardom breeds power! If you pay attention to politics at all, then you know how all of these are intertwined. With our 24-hour news cycle, politics are about entertainment now. Our votes aren't based on policy, but on what we see on TV or on our social media feed. The economy isn't about money like it used to be. Now it's more like the spin of a wheel on a game show. Foreign policy used to be about diplomacy, right? Now, it's the plot of an action movie (and not even a good one). Elections aren't even politics, they're awards shows - and the speeches are worse! This book gets all that, but it dives even deeper. While politics may be entertainment, there's still a psychology to it. Sure, it's terrifying to delve into these haunted minds that run our country, there's not denying that what you'll find is hilarious. It's stomach-churningly hilarious, but hilarious, nonetheless. If you got this far, then you can at least start this book. If anything, it can at least fill that gap on your bookshelf (or in your list of ebooks). Buy it or steal it from the library today!
The 100 Greatest Kids Riddles of All Time
★★★★★ "My daughter LOVES this gift and couldn't wait to challenge her friends."★★★★★ "Really great at helping my son think 'outside the box'."★★★★★ "Such a fun gift. Really makes your kids (and you) think."The 100 Greatest Kids Riddles of All Time is a fun collection of brain teasers, riddles and visual "word puzzles" for those who like solving problems. The riddles are laid out so as to get more difficult as you progress through the book - so it's ideal for kids from 6 years through to adults! (But, if all else fails, all the answers are at the back of the book.)The book is also designed to challenge kids to think laterally and more creatively, such as: Easton's parents have three sons. Their names are Snap, Crackle and I have a face and two hands, but no arms and no legs. What Am I? What word is spelled wrong in every dictionary?... and many more!Grab a copy of The 100 Greatest Kids Riddles of All Timetoday. An absolute must for all brainy kids! Tags: 100 greatest, Riddles and brain teasers, riddles and trick questions, riddles book, riddles book for kids, riddles for kids, riddles for kids aged 5-12, riddles and puzzles, jokes and riddles, jokes book, jokes book for kids, jokes children, jokes for kids, stocking stuffer, jokes kids, activity book, activities
Screw That!
As the book's subtitle suggests, this book would best be described as a collection of "adventures in politically-insensitive humor". It was written with a single, simple and incredibly noble purpose... to try and make lots and lots of people laugh out loud and stop taking everything so goddamn seriously. An interesting and intentionally confusing assortment of quirky cartoons, poems, stories, photos and random observations, you never know what the next page will surprise you with. But you can absolutely count on the fact that the creator of this mysterious mess is trying his best to dig at your innards in the hopes of extracting a simple little smile or a big-time belly laugh.
Art 2.0 of the Deal
Art 2.0 of the Deal: Donald J. Trump Hits the Wall is the cautionary tale of a self-proclaimed "stable genius" and modern day dystopian anti-hero ? la Winston in George Orwell's 1984. The "outsider" President soon proves himself to be unprepared and unfit to deal with a global pandemic that threatens the lives of U.S. citizens. More importantly to this incumbent, the "invisible enemy" endangered Trump's campaign and prospects for reelection.This art hysterical tour de farce - a portrait of our time - is a GPS through the Twilight Zone, filled with iconic visual CliffsNotes mile markers to art history, a reality show president, partisan politics, deals, corruption, the coronavirus pandemic, and a New Normal where life and fact are immeasurably stranger than fiction.The award-winning illustrator/author, Cathy Hull, skillfully guides readers through the harrowing twists and hairpin turns of the 2020 political landscape, 45's motivations and machinations, and the resulting unintended consequences. Fasten your seatbelt, it's a bumpy ride!Tired of all the rhetoric, pontification, and analysis? Just kick back and enjoy the artwork. Get the picture?Art 2.0 of the Deal opens with Trump's acquittal following his impeachment where the author's debut book, Art 101 of the Deal: Donald J. Trump Off the Wall left off. It concludes with the ultimate made-for-TV season finale or perhaps series cliffhanger: an uncertain future to be determined by voters in what conspiracy theorists such as POTUS himself call "a rigged election." The inefficiency of the electoral system combined with slow mail delivery during a pandemic are cause for concern; the plot never ceases to thicken. Take a front row seat and view the Trump Show in vivid detail and living color.Be aware - there is no intermission. This president, in effect, called dibs on the election avowing defeat was neither an option nor a possibility. Stay tuned. See what happens....Meanwhile, Donald Trump and Cathy Hull continue to be the gift that keeps on giving. Laughter is infectious. Pass it on.
