King Pawtrick the First
Attention cat lovers of the world! A wonderful full-color book profiling some of the most famous cats ever to have lived: from the marvelous monarch King Pawtrick the First, to the head of the Cat-o-Lick Church, Purrrnificus IX, and more than 40 other fabulous cats including movie-star Tomcat Cruise, Irish gentleman Whiskers O'Furphy, Egyptian Pharaoh Furr-o, astronaut Neil Pawstrong, Aztec king Meowntezuma, Roman General Purrius Maximus, police officer Sergeant Whiskerpaws, the famous cat-burglar Alcatrazzle, and, of course, the well-known politician Purrmises McCatster, famous for purrmissing the sun, the moon, and the earth to voters....Each full color portrait comes with a biographical sketch, designed to inform and entertain the reader.ContentsKing Pawtrick the FirstTsarina MeowgnificentEmpurress Meow ZetianWhiskers O'FurphyLeonardo CatvinciCaptain WhiskerpawsNeil PawstrongPharaoh Furr-oCaesar PurrugustusEmeowperor MeowhitoPawtawatomi PouncewalkerInca-tanquerMajor Whisker-icanPurrate MeowbeardGeneral PurrskovMeowco WranglerTomcat CruiseMeowntie MaplepawsWhiskerstan LivingstoneMeowhandas PurrhiMeowntezumaPancho PawsPurramid RamaLouie Le MewQueen Victorious PawsPurrrnificus IXSister Bad HabitSprinkle PawsMewkono MewrikoMeowdarius the GreatPurrcules the MightyWhiskerchief IndomeowsiusSheikh Rattle and RollPurveen ParamaCattish HighlanderMeownet MonetSir Whiskington SnootsingtonMeowdini the MagnificentAlcatrazzleSergeant WhiskerpawsPurrius MaximusPurrmises McCatster
Little Dee Dee and the Magically Fantastical Alicorn
She played her flute, and I understood every note.As one by one, the words appeared and began to float.When Spring Showers fade to Rainbows in the early morn, Remember, Magically Fantastical Alicorns are Born.We are the twinkle-twinkle found upon the meadow's dew.We are the cotton-candy clouds upon a canvas of blue.
Tour! Vol. IV
Reports of my various exotic beery travels over the past year. Where I receount every breakfast and every beer drunk.
Little Dee Dee and the Magically Fantastical Alicorn
She played her flute, and I understood every note.As one by one, the words appeared and began to float.When Spring Showers fade to Rainbows in the early morn, Remember, Magically Fantastical Alicorns are Born.We are the twinkle-twinkle found upon the meadow's dew.We are the cotton-candy clouds upon a canvas of blue.
Sitting More Comfortably on Your Couch
This is a funny gag gift prank for Graduation, White Elephant, Secret Santa or Yankee Swap. Funny and appropriate as a High School Graduation and College Graduation gift. This is a lined notebook disguised as a real book with a funny, fake cover, and funny quotes that will get a laugh. It's a great birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him.A memorable and funny gift that will bring laughter to the party or celebration, while making everyone happy.A novelty notebook disguised as a real book: Appropriate and hilarious for adults and kidsUnder $105.5 inches by 8.5 inches100+ lined pagesMakes a great journal, diary or notebook This book part of the Do It My Way series of Woody Forest's funny guides: : - How to Live with Low Intelligence & No Ability- Do it Yourself Dentistry- I'm Eating Ear Wax and Loving It! - a gag cook book- Home Surgery- How to Avoid Being Eaten by Space Aliens- How to Sit More Comfortably on Your Couch The best White Elephant, Graduation, retirement, co-worker, Yankee Swap, Christmas, Birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him. A funny Secret Santa gift that will make them laugh out loud.
Avoid Being Eaten by Space Aliens
This is a funny gag gift prank for Graduation, Doctor or Dentist, White Elephant, Secret Santa or Yankee Swap. Funny and appropriate as a High School Graduation and College Graduation gift. This is a lined notebook disguised as a real book with a funny, fake cover, and funny quotes that will get a laugh. It's a great birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him.A memorable and funny gift that will bring laughter to the party or celebration, while making everyone happy.A novelty notebook disguised as a real book: Appropriate and hilarious for adults and kidsUnder $105.5 inches by 8.5 inches100+ lined pagesMakes a great journal, diary or notebook This book part of the Do It My Way series of Woody Forest's funny guides: : - How to Live with Low Intelligence & No Ability- Do it Yourself Dentistry- I'm Eating Ear Wax and Loving It! - a gag cook book- Home Surgery- How to Avoid Being Eaten by Space Aliens- How to Sit More Comfortably on Your Couch The best White Elephant, Graduation, retirement, co-worker, Yankee Swap, Christmas, Birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him. A funny Secret Santa gift that will make them laugh out loud.
How to Masturbate Properly
Masturbation gave birth to a prophet. His name is Turbo Masturbo and he will teach you how to masturbate properly. He can come fast, any time, any place. Turbo got his superpowers by accident. It was a divine event: A higher force approached him and gave him a hundred Masturbation Commandments so he could announce them to the world. "After reading this, every man will appreciate his hands more than any vagina." - Loony, author of Sex Deaths; Is She Faking?; Sex Jokes "Turbo Masturbo says every man with hands is self-sufficient. It seems like somebody is pussy deprived." - Madame Magdalena, author of "How to Snag That Millionaire When You Are Not the Prettiest Girl in the Room"
Feeling for Eggs
Elizabeth Patton's crisp prose and dry humor invite the reader into a cross-section of a time in history and the women who journey through it...Full of textured mother/daughter relationships, the reader sees generations of women pass down dysfunction and disappointment, no matter how much a young woman achieves. Society limited women to kitchen and home in the 50s. Patton's characters are no exception. Not surprisingly their frustration wreaks itself in subtle ways on their own daughters. Patton's ladies, like characters in British literature who drink tea for all occasions, like to serve a beverage at any crisis be it an unwanted pregnancy, death, or a daughter's visit home with her lesbian lover. While many glasses of lemonade or sweet tea are swallowed, these women enjoy their Scotch and gin just as much. Rachel Ikins, author of Eating the Sun
A Holly Jolly Joke Fest
Get ready to turn your Christmas cheer up a notch with "A Holly Jolly Joke Fest: 100 Corny Christmas Jokes to Light Up Your Holidays!" This joy-filled joke book is the perfect stocking stuffer that guarantees a burst of laughter and fun for the whole family.Packaged with over a hundred of the corniest, most amusing, and holiday-appropriate quips, this book will bring a dash of humor to your Christmas celebrations. From playful puns about reindeers and elves to jolly jests about Santa and his North Pole pals, every page will have you grinning from ear to ear.This book is designed to spread cheer and warmth, rekindle the spirit of the holidays, and spark joy in the hearts of its readers. Imagine a Christmas filled with laughter ringing through the house, the fire crackling, lights twinkling, and bellies shaking with merriment - this is the magical holiday scene "A Holly Jolly Joke Fest" promises.So, gather around the Christmas tree, hot cocoa in hand, and get ready to share these hilarious, corny, and undeniably charming Christmas jokes. Unleash the magic of a true holly jolly holiday with "A Holly Jolly Joke Fest: 100 Corny Christmas Jokes to Light Up Your Holidays!"
Send In The Tort Lawyer$-A Legal Farce
2023 Semi-Finalist for the Mark Twain Awards for Humor and Satire Fiction.Prepare to laugh until you cry as fearless tort lawyers Pap and Pup navigate uproarious lawsuits that are endemic of our time. Patrick A. Peters ("Pap") and his twin brother Prescott U. Peters ("Pup"), the fearless tort lawyers whose zany exploits delighted readers of Tort$ "R" Us and Please Pass The Tort$, return with yet another round of legal mayhem guaranteed to make you laugh until you cry.Their latest antics include a lawsuit on behalf of consumers who bought what turned out to be worthless crypto currency from the now-bankrupt FTZ; lawsuits challenging the labeling of Godiva Belgian Chocolates and a Vermont company's ice cream purportedly made from the milk of "happy cows"; and yet another lawsuit on behalf of the unforgettable Lydia Lowlace, who's image from Playboy is now part of a collection of non-fungible tokens sold by an off-shore start-up.Settle into your favorite chair so that you don't fall on the floor laughing at the new exploits of these lovable lawyers who leave no stone unturned in their quest for fun, fame and fortune.Praise for the Pap & Pup Peters series"I can't recall reading, or seeing, anything in a long time that had me laughing so hard and loud. Morrison has a perfect ear, and eye, for the absurd." -Michael Abram, Retired Labor Lawyer"This book is hilarious from beginning to end. There were times when I laughed out loud. The word plays are very clever and the plot manages to skewer many of our personal references, while not being mean-spirited." -Maureen Bateman, Former General Counsel of U.S. Trust Co. and State Street Bank and Trust"I never expected to be so marvelously entertained by a book about lawyers and lawyering - laughing out loud in almost every chapter until the tears rolled down my cheeks." -Janet Graaff, Retired College Professor"A Tour de Tort! I smiled as soon as I opened Please Pass The Tort$ and didn't stop laughing until I finished it. Morrison's wit and humor are sure to provide a welcome diversion." -Recovered Lawyer and Federal Judge"Great sequel with our very innovative lawyer friends Pap and Pup and my favorite client Lydia Lowlace and her version of the English language! The book is hilarious and so entertaining it is hard to put it down." -Lawrence Power, Former President of McGrath Power Associates"T.C. Morrison delivers more of his trademark legal mayhem in this terrific sequel to Tort$ "R" Us. Don't miss it." -Andrew Schau, Retired Litigator and NY City Law Firm Partner
Humor 2.0
The book shows how humor has changed since the advent of the internet: new genres, new contexts, and new audiences. The book provides a guide to such phenomena as memes, video parodies, photobombing, and cringe humor. It also shows how the cognitive mechanisms of humor remain unchanged.
Quietly Hostile
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER - A GLAMOUR BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR - A hilarious new essay collection from Samantha Irby "engages readers with her characteristic combination of laugh-out-loud moments, heartfelt passages and plenty of awkward experiences.... Quietly Hostile will delight established fans and newcomers alike (Parade). "Brilliant and one of the funniest people I've ever read." --Roxane Gay - "The king of sparkling misanthropy and tender, loving dread." --Jia Tolentino "Absolutely hilarious.... If you are feeling down, or you feel like you haven't read anything you've loved in a long time, all you need is Samantha Irby.... She will make you laugh on every page." --Emma Straub, bestselling author of This Time Tomorrow, on The Today Show Samantha Irby's career has taken her to new heights. She dodges calls from Hollywood and flop sweats on the red carpet at premieres (well, one premiere). But nothing is ever as it seems online, where she can crop out all the ugly parts. Irby got a lot of weird emails about Carrie Bradshaw, and not only is there diarrhea to avoid, but now--anaphylactic shock. She is turned away from restaurants for being inappropriately dressed and looks for the best ways to cope, i.e., reveling in the offerings of QVC and adopting a deranged pandemic dog. Quietly Hostile makes light as Irby takes us on another outrageously funny tour of all the gory details that make up the true portrait of a life behind the screenshotted depression memes. Relatable, poignant, and uproarious, once again, Irby is the tonic we all need to get by. A BEST BOOK from Vogue, Esquire, PopSugar, Glamour, The Skimm, and more
Piggy the Cat and Arcade Matt
Do you love a good cat "tail?" This compilation of a sweet, true rescue story, silly cat poetry, a wild kitty adventure and more will make you smile and fulfill your true feline cravings. Piggy the cat tells how she met her human daddy, Matt, and found love and family in "Piggy Finds a Home." "Piggy's Big Adventure" is the unusual friendship between a hungry cat and her zany mouse friend. Food, fun, and all sorts of crazy twists occur when these two get together. Animal lovers, fans of Arcade Matt and anyone who enjoys good clean fun will find laughter, heartfelt stories and come away refreshed with a book that will be much-loved and passed on to future generations.
Collect Call
"Some Shitty Vacation," is a fictional story about a vacationing hitman from the narcotics underworld who found himself being drawn back into the very situation he was trying to escape in the first place. His escape plan was for both the short as well as the long term. He had planned on using this short-term trip to Montreal, to further research his long-term get-out plan. The one that he had been considering in recent times. The road leads all the way from Norfolk, VA to Montreal Quebec, and back. But some people just can't seem to get a learning break, can they?Seasoned with snippets of Jamaican Patois inserted here and there throughout, as may be found fitting. Yeah man, no doubt, a Jamaica yaad mi cum fram. Sorry, I meant to say, I'm Jamaican-born and bred, okay? Most of these stories and poems have been published as stand-alone pieces over the years but this is your chance at getting them all in one place. So here for you is; Collect Call.
Hellenica
Xenophon's "Hellenica" is a historical account of the events in Greece and the Greek world from 411 BC to 362 BC. It begins with the fall of Athens in the Peloponnesian War and covers the rise of Sparta, the war with Persia, and the power struggles among the Greek city-states. The first four books of the "Hellenica" cover the period of the Peloponnesian War and the subsequent peace negotiations. The remaining books cover the rise of Spartan power and the decline of Athens, as well as the battles fought between various Greek city-states. Throughout the work, Xenophon presents a pro-Spartan viewpoint, portraying them as the defenders of Greek culture and civilization. He also emphasizes the importance of piety, obedience to the law, and the virtues of the Greek city-state system. Overall, "Hellenica" provides a valuable historical account of the turbulent period of Greek history in the fourth century BC, with insights into the political, social, and cultural factors that shaped the ancient Greek world.
Satan Talks to His Therapist
"If the LOLSOB emoji could write verse that both sings and stings, the result would be Satan Talks to His Therapist."--Allison Joseph, author of Confessions of a Barefaced Woman "Balmain treads that fine line between comedy and tragedy in poems graced by telling details, surprising turns, and a keen sense of the absurd ... Satan Talks to His Therapist is a serious book that's very funny, and Melissa Balmain's gift is being able to tilt toward humor without losing the ache beneath the laughter."--Literary MattersIn Satan Talks to His Therapist, Melissa Balmain explores the lighter side of dark times. Playful yet poignant, her poems perfectly capture our human fallibility and comedic sense of importance. The collection begins with "On Looking at an MRI Cross-Section," in which Balmain peeks inside her own skull to consider the jumble of thoughts and memories harbored there. After this introduction to the poet's inner world, the book divides into three sections: Spiraling Down, In Limbo, and Climbing Out. The poems in this lyrical descent and ascent are about climate change, social media, pandemics, politics (sexual and otherwise), parenthood, consumerism, aging, loss, and ills, both physical and societal. Balmain writes in meter and rhyme, and she uses traditional forms (sonnets, villanelles, terza rima) as well as ones she's coined for the moment. The poems in Satan Talks to His Therapist provide clarity and comedy in a time that feels anything but clear or comic, and they hint at the consolations of art, kindness, maturity, persistence, love, and, of course, humor.
I'm Florally Challenged
I'm Florally Challenged, which is inspired by some real life events and occurrences in author David Colpitts' life, is a collection of 21 short stories and poems that will make you laugh and reflect on life.In the author's own words, "This book will divert your thoughts with a mix of humor and irrelevant observations.Some of the stories are true. Some are more true than I care to admit, since I can't recall the names of flowers (the title story), fit into a wet suit nor remember to floss. Some are almost fabrications. Have you taken a young lady hiking or to soccer practice when she is more interested in young men? There can be consequences. You might get a kitten!.." Excerpt from I'm Florally Challenged by David Colpitts: "My barrel chest and washboard stomach have switched places. That phenomenon has changed more than my mating habits. It has changed how wetsuits fit me. My old suit was past its life expectancy. I needed a new one for white- water canoeing in rivers refrigerated by glacial water. Hypothermia, I've heard, is one of the better ways to go, but could render the dearly departed unsuitable for an open casket and I wanted my mother-in-law to see that I had died with a smile on my face. Clearly, I had to get a new wetsuit. An internet search showed they were readily available online. The sizing seemed straightforward enough: weight, 155 to 180 pounds, height between 5'9" and 6'0". Medium-large. That's me. The online catalog showed models steely-of-eye and firm-of-chin looking movie star sleek, muscles distinct beneath the rubberized sheath. With a few clicks of the mouse, that could be me. Well, not quite me. I would have to practice the steely-eye gaze essential for seeking a route through tricky eddies and currents, just like those canoeists pictured in the wetsuits. The ever-present chiseled chin might be a problem, too, but I did have a few days to bushy up some facial hair to hide my three unchiseled chins."
Eating Ear Wax and loving it!
This is a funny gag gift prank for Graduation, Cooking, White Elephant, Secret Santa or Yankee Swap. Funny and appropriate as a High School Graduation and College Graduation gift. This is a lined notebook disguised as a real book with a funny, fake cover, and funny quotes that will get a laugh. It's a great birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him.A memorable and funny gift that will bring laughter to the party or celebration, while making everyone happy.A novelty notebook disguised as a real book: Appropriate and hilarious for adults and kidsUnder $105.5 inches by 8.5 inches100+ lined pagesMakes a great journal, diary or notebook This book part of the Do It My Way series of Woody Forest's funny guides:: - How to Live with Low Intelligence & No Ability- Do it Yourself Dentistry- I'm Eating Ear Wax and Loving It! - a gag cook book- Home Surgery- How to Avoid Being Eaten by Space Aliens- How to Sit More Comfortably on Your Couch The best White Elephant, Graduation, retirement, co-worker, Yankee Swap, Christmas, Birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him. A funny Secret Santa gift that will make them laugh out loud.
Guide to Home Dentistry
This is a funny gag gift prank for Graduation, Doctor or Dentist, White Elephant, Secret Santa or Yankee Swap. Funny and appropriate as a High School Graduation and College Graduation gift. This is a lined notebook disguised as a real book with a funny, fake cover, and funny quotes that will get a laugh. It's a great birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him.A memorable and funny gift that will bring laughter to the party or celebration, while making everyone happy.A novelty notebook disguised as a real book: Appropriate and hilarious for adults and kidsUnder $105.5 inches by 8.5 inches100+ lined pagesMakes a great journal, diary or notebook This book part of the Do It My Way series of Woody Forest's funny guides:: - How to Live with Low Intelligence & No Ability- Do it Yourself Dentistry- I'm Eating Ear Wax and Loving It! - a gag cook book- Home Surgery- How to Avoid Being Eaten by Space Aliens- How to Sit More Comfortably on Your Couch The best White Elephant, Graduation, retirement, co-worker, Yankee Swap, Christmas, Birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him. A funny Secret Santa gift that will make them laugh out loud.
Being Funny
Being Funny - 3 Manuscripts in 1 Book, Including: Make People Laugh, Social Skills and Conversation Skills. 1)MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH: 7 Easy Steps to Master Being Funny, Conversational Humor, Improv Stand-Up Comedy & Joke Writing. YOU'LL LEARN: - Timing isn't an important thing- it's the only thing; How to practice, improve and master the perfect time and place for any joke.- Why jokes work; the universal commonality that almost everything you might laugh at has in common- Why more than 50% of laughter you hear is not in response to intended humor; how to take advantage of that fact- The power of silence and the unspoken joke; physical humor beyond slapstick and props- And so much more! 2)SOCIAL SKILLS: 7 Easy Steps to Master Emotional Intelligence, Making Friends, Relationship Building & Interpersonal Skills. YOU'LL LEARN: - Crash course on personal upkeep, including grooming, how you carry yourself, and develop social agility by nurturing confidenceLearning how to appreciate the forest without missing the trees: cliques, crowds and demographics and how labels apply to individuals and personal identityThe big impact of small talk and how to turn even the most fleeting contact into a fast friendDemystify and articulate the intuitive, unspoken rules of making contacts and growing into friendsTurning contacts into friends, friends into kin, and the fine art of growing closer ain generalThe value of heartfelt, difficult conversations and how to tackle them; growth is never easy, and we teach you how to push throughSometimes you must remove people from your life, and we teach you how to remove the toxic, as well as how to address problem behavior before it comes to thatAnd so much more! 3)CONVERSATION SKILLS: 7 Easy Steps to Master Listening Skills, Interpersonal Feedback, Difficult Conversations & Voice Training. YOU'LL LEARNHow to attract people and keep their interestRemaining receptive and reflective, even mid-conversationThe enormous power of small talkAdjusting your words to match your audience without changing your messageMaster the art of difficult conversationsTools and tricks for you to practice aloneMake sure you have something worth talking aboutAnd so much more!
Milk & Mocha Comics Collection
Cozy up with a warm cup of tea and follow the sweet scenes of Milk and Mocha, from the popular webcomic @milkmochabear. Milk and Mocha share their sweet slice-of-life moments in this new collection, including never-before-seen comics! Milk and Mocha are charming bears with opposite personalities. These uplifting comics remind us of the sweet moments we share with our friends, family, and loved ones.
Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone
Stories to warm your heart, make you nod in understanding, and remind you of the extraordinary blessings that come with being a boy mom.Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone is a delightful compilation of laughter, love, and godly advice from moms who proudly navigate the wild terrain of raising boys.In this heartwarming collection, Michelle Rayburn and eighteen other moms of boys come together to share their unique experiences, offering a refreshing perspective on the joys and challenges that, for some, come with being the sole estrogen ambassador in a household full of testosterone. Through amusing anecdotes, relatable tales of mischief, and practical biblical insights, these moms shed light on the rollercoaster ride of boyhood. In the pages, mothers share: Laughter and tears as they recount their hilarious encounters with mud, bugs, and an endless supply of boy energy. Real-life strategies for tackling the messiest situations, teaching life lessons with finesse, and finding the beauty in the chaos.A touch of humor and a wealth of heartfelt wisdom from the vibrant world of boy moms. If you're a boy mom craving a dose of camaraderie, a bellyful of laughter, and a reminder that you're rocking this estrogen-free adventure, this book is the perfect companion. Let these humorous and inspiring tales uplift you and remind you to embrace every messy, joy-filled moment.The 19 contributing authors include: Abigail Wallace, Avonlea Q. Krueger, Becky Melby, Betty Predmore, Christina Ryan Claypool, Denise Loock, Gina Stinson, Ginny Dent Brant, Joni Topper, Kim Cusimano, Kolleen Lucariello, Maureen Miller, Melissa Meyer, Michelle Rayburn, Pam Farrel, Pam Fields, Rhonda Stoppe, Stacy Sanchez, Valerie McNulty
How to Live with Low Intelligence & No Ability
This is a funny gag gift prank for Graduation, White Elephant, Secret Santa or Yankee Swap. Funny and appropriate as a High School Graduation and College Graduation gift. This is a lined notebook disguised as a real book with a funny, fake cover, and funny quotes that will get a laugh. It's a great birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him.A memorable and funny gift that will bring laughter to the party or celebration, while making everyone happy.A novelty notebook disguised as a real book: Appropriate and hilarious for adults and kidsUnder $105.5 inches by 8.5 inches100+ lined pagesMakes a great journal, diary or notebook This book part of the Do It My Way series of Woody Forest's funny guides:: - How to Live with Low Intelligence & No Ability- Do it Yourself Dentistry- I'm Eating Ear Wax and Loving It! - a gag cook book- Home Surgery- How to Avoid Being Eaten by Space Aliens- How to Sit More Comfortably on Your Couch The best White Elephant, Graduation, retirement, co-worker, Yankee Swap, Christmas, Birthday gift for men, brother, woman, sister, teen, him. A funny Secret Santa gift that will make them laugh out loud.
Walt Disney's Mickey Mouse: The River of Time
How did Peg Leg Pete become Mickey's arch-enemy? Sail into the past aboard that infamous riverboat Steamboat Willie... and see how a standoff between Mickey, Pete, and jewel thief Jeb Fishbone sank the ship--and lost Mouseton's biggest gem in the roaring rapids! Can Mickey and Pete raise Steamboat Willie today? Or will they destroy each other trying? The adventures continue as Donald and Gyro Gearloose battle their brassy new neighbor, one-duck disaster area Boomer Buff, in "The Case of the Amazing Brain." And then Mickey is back for round two--and maybe three?--when a "Mouse in the Mirror" turns real, and Mickey faces off with Ricky Rodent, an evil twin who's also a better detective!
A Slowing Horse Decanters
A friendly little look at Earths fellow inhabitants, the Animal Kingdom. We are surrounded by them but how well do we really know them. This book will bring to light our ignorance of such historical figures as Attila the Hen. It will surprise us with the do's and don'ts of keeping crocodiles as pets, (mostly don'ts, and it will warn us against the excitable rage of the Aardman. I'm just glad animals can't read .
Slice of Home, Slice of Life
Monthly columns from best-selling writer Richard E. Davis about living in a small town in the Midwest. These were originally published in the Linn County Leader from 2005-2010. He is also the author of thriller Disaster at Havendale, a #1 Amazon bestseller.
The Chronicles of Philly Raccoon - The New Normal
The Chronicles of Philly Raccoon - The New Normal (Second Edition), classified as creative non-fiction, is the story of Philly Raccoon searching for answers wondering what this "New Normal" could mean for us all. Getting into mischief as raccoons do, and teaching us all in the process using the gift of "Common-Sense" bestowed to Philly's ancestors by God. Looking at the events over these past two years, Philly realized that Human common-sense was all but dead. What happens from now on (The New Normal) will determine the fate of the Human Race. Philly and friends have the task of putting things right. Philly being a very positive thinking raccoon says that there is still hope. But it is up to mankind to make the final choice. In this second edition an update on Philly activities during the Covid-19 pandemic has been included. Please note that this book contains mature subject matter.
I Deserve All the Treats
Embrace the self-assuredness that keeps cats purring!Take it from the cats! No one knows inner peace like a smug tabby who's knocked something breakable off a table they're not supposed to be sitting on. There's no crisis of confidence or lack of self-worth here. These house panthers know what they want and how to get it from doting and unsuspecting humans alike. And with more than 50 feline-inspired affirmations that are equal parts empowerment, Zen, and cattitude, you can follow in their confident pawprints. Brighten your mood and find your balance with mantras like: - I am a divine being.- Not every mess is mine to clean up.- I greet the morning with unbridled enthusiasm. Paired with playful illustrations that purrfectly capture the mischievous wit and self-possessed wisdom of cats, I Deserve All the Treats will leave you feeling calm, cool, and ready to take on (or over) the world!
The Etiquette Guide for Trailer Folk
Michael Smith has been published in numerous poetry anthologies, and written dozens of short stories for several magazines. His solo debut, The Illustrated Poetry of Crazy Bear, was met with wide acclaim, and sold out quickly. The illustrations came from his studio of watercolor paintings. He currently lives in Northern Nevada, with his companion, Susan, and a small herd of cats.
You Can Make This Sh*t Up!
Have a short attention span? This book is for you. Humorous, irreverent stories and short plays that will change your life. Or not.
The Journal of Agent Gina Ginger Knickers, Phase Two
Building on the first volume of her journal of daily reports, Gina, an agent of Planet Cat, establishes her position in the Deane household, sharing the insights she has gained. She exercises superior powers of mind control, bending hoomins to her will as she manipulates her minion into recording the story of Rodney the Cat.
Cowboys, City Boys, and Atta Boys
Fans of humorists like Patrick F. McManus and Mark Twain will appreciate K. Dwight Cavner's debut collection of short stories that are one hundred percent true-- at least in his overactive mind. In this hilarious book of slightly-exaggerated stories there are ghosts, aliens, talking horses, a homemade submarine, and a time traveler. Dive on into the warm waters of Cavner's personal stories for a laugh you won't soon forget.
Adventures of the Gummi Bears: A New Beginning
From Disney Adventures and its Gen-X sister magazines come tales of epic thrills and chills! In "A New Beginning," find out how the Gummi Bears first forged an uneasy alliance with humans to defend the land of Dunwyn from evil Duke Igthorn, his stinky ogres, and his devastating giant catapult! In "The Legend of Silverhorn," Chip 'n Dale and the Rescue Rangers follow a shipwrecked sailor into a world of high-seas piracy. Then, in DuckTales' "The Arcadian Urn," Scrooge McDuck and the gang find a lost world of ancient Greeks... and Donald Duck and Launchpad face off with a city-stomping kaiju! Plus Darkwing Duck, TaleSpin and more!
The Groom’s Secret Handbook
From Simon & Schuster, The Groom's Secret Handbook is about the many challenges a groom-to-be faces before settling down. Two men who survived the rituals have put together this handy and hilarious guide, taking a wry look at planning the wedding, registering for essential gift items, the bachelor party, and wedding day nightmares.
Asides
"George Singleton is a very funny man. He could write about a tootsie roll and keep me reading," says Abigail Thomas, author of Safekeeping and A Three Dog Life, about Singleton's new collection of personal essays. Readers of his celebrated short story collections (The Half-Mammals of Dixie, You Want More, and The Curious Lives of Non-Profit Martyrs, among others) know just what a master storyteller Singleton can be. Yet in this collection of essays, readers will discover Singleton's best kept secret: he also has a keen eye for the well-told and hilarious truth.His subjects range widely: dogs, food, restaurants, jobs, music, family, and the benefits and challenges of, as he puts it, "a questionable upbringing." Frequently published in magazines like Oxford American and Garden and Gun, Singleton explains in these essays how he came to be a writer (he blames barbecue), why he still writes his first draft by hand (someone stole his typewriter), and why he ran marathons (his father gave him beer.) He also will tell you why Aristotle would have been a failed philosopher had he grown up in South Carolina, how Laugh-In's Henry Gibson is to blame for his education in literature, and what was in the most delicious soup he has ever eaten. Readers are invited to join George Singleton as he gets his dogs to promise they won't use his new garden as a Porta-Potty, learns about his not so famous relations, and generally charms anyone sensible enough to read this delightful book.
Walt Disney's Uncle Scrooge: Operation Galleon Grab
When Scrooge McDuck finds an old model ship covered with clues to a sunken treasure galleon, pirate gold seems close! But so is a real pirate: rival billionaire John D. Rockerduck, following the clues on a second model ship! But... are both tycoons being tricked? The terrible Beagle Boys are also at sea and know much too much about this treasure hunt! Also in this exciting volume: Donald Duck seeks a crocodile-infested fountain of youth in "There's No Fool Like an Old Fool"; Goofy battles supervillains in "Here Today, Gone Apollo"... and Scrooge discovers a parallel dimension in "Brother From Another Earth"!
Walt Disney's Mickey and Donald: Mickey's Craziest Adventures
When Peg Leg Pete and the Beagle Boys shrink and steal Scrooge McDuck's Money Bin, Mickey and Donald must track them down... across lost cities, ancient lands, under the sea, in the air, and...into space?!? In a hilarious satire that will entertain all ages, Mickey's Craziest Adventures introduces its epic tale as if it were a rare 1965 Disney classic, deemed too wild for publication and saved only in fragments -- but in fact, modern comics masters Lewis Trondheim and Nicolas K癡ramidas have created an exciting all-new album-length stand-alone Disney thriller, drawn in a kinetic indie-comics style and presented like a classic vintage work, hiding the fact that it's actually shamelessly spoofing Silver Age comics clich矇s!
Antuan is Still HEAR
Irv Korman is an author, actor, speaker, theatre critic, magician, and yes, teacher. During his 30 years working within the Akron Public School System, Irv collected an array of memorable quotes from his students. Straight from the inked margins of his tattered gradebook, Irv is sharing some (more) of these verbal gems in "Antuan is still HEAR".
The Baby Boomers Book of Children's Poetry
Venture back into your own childhood with these humorous little poems, penned by a freckled faced Aussie redhead.Join her as she remembers the days of the 1950s and 1960s in Western Australia, where black and white TV ruled, and a mobile phone was one plugged into a wall with a very long cord!!
All Those Places I Could Pee
DO YOU LOVE CATS?DO YOU LOVE FUNNY CAT BOOKS?DO YOU ENJOY CUTE CAT PICTURES?LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT GIFT FOR A CAT LOVER?THEN THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU...This new collection of cat poetry shares the secret lives of your feline friends. YOU CAN FINALLY FIND OUT WHAT YOUR CAT IS ACTUALLY THINKINGIn this book, Seamus Mullarkey introduces us to the acclaimed cat poet, ...Professor Fuzzy McMittens.THESE POETIC GEMS OFFER A TAIL-SPINNING LOOK AT THE FELINE PSYCHE.So, find a cozy spot, curl up with your favorite feline companion, and prepare to be whisked away on a poetic journey that will leave you feline fantastic.Order your copy of "All Those Places I Could Pee" today and embark on an unforgettable adventure that will forever cement your bond with your fur-babies. --After all, who can resist the allure of a book that combines laughter, love, and the intoxicating aroma of fresh catnip?Make sure to add "All Those Places I Could Pee" to your collection, or surprise the cat lover in your life with this hilarious gift...--Get your hands on a copy for any occasion, from birthdays to Christmas.--After you've read it yourself, we're sure you'll want to buy some copies for your friends.--It's the perfect gift for the cat lover who has everything....THIS UNIQUE POETRY OF FUNNY CAT POETRY OFFERS: Whisker-tickling Humor Fuzzy McMittens unleashes a hilarious look at the feline mind.Artistic Meow-sterpiecesThe fantastic illustrations complement the poems, making this a visual feast.A Unique Feline Perspective Gain a fresh perspective on the world through the eyes of a cat.A Cat-versations Starter Spark engaging conversations with fellow cat lovers.
Funny Rhymes About Life!
Funny rhyming poems that make us laugh at ourselves and the absurdity of everyday life. The rhymes are all subjects that adults can relate to, like love, marriage, getting older, technology, buying a used car, unexpected events, stink breath, honey-do projects, dealing with telemarketers...and much more!
The Reason You Drink
The Reason You Drink is a bedtime book for parents facing the reality that sometimes their little bundle of joy isn't always a good time. Parenting isn't all fun and games... sometimes it can drive you to drink! This subversive and brutally honest book exposes the true frustration of parenting, giving moms and dads (new, old, grand, and expecting) a much-needed chance to laugh and commensurate about the trials and tribulations of parenting. So, go ahead and have a drink while you read this book! You just shouldn't read it to your children.
How to Train Your Human
Discover the best-kept secrets of how your cat chooses you, loves you, and subtly trains you to fulfill its every wish in this charming and irresistible guide, written from the perspective of one witty kittyAN INTERNATIONAL PHENOMENON, PUBLISHED IN FOURTEEN LANGUAGESWe humans are resourceful and intelligent, but our quirks are often incomprehensible to other species. However, after thousands of years of co-habitation, our feline companions know exactly how to deal with us.In How to Train Your Human, one wise cat instructs its fellow felines in the elaborate arts of human domestication, including: Guiding us step by step to the pantrySleeping on top of us in adorable but uncomfortable positions that leave us trappedStrategic nighttime alarmsThrough this ingenious and hilarious reversal of perspective, Babas--this book's human author, and a lifelong cat companion--offers a delightful new look at relationship between cats and people. Translated from the Italian by Katherine Gregor, and accompanied by elegant black-and-white illustrations by Andrea Ferolla, How to Train Your Human is an essential gift for any cat lover.
What Is The Difference Between A Wife & A Side Chick?
It's important for men to understand that sometimes the number of women you bring into your life is going to be associated with the amount of stress, and negative energy you may have to put up with. If you're a man that wants to deal with women on a sexual and intimate level, you must make sure that your life is in order first. Most of the issues men face is based on their lack of understanding between a wife material woman and a non-wife material woman. Why? Well, it's because the man hasn't risen to the level of kingship. When he reaches that level; he can differentiate between a woman suitable for marriage and a woman who isn't.
Reflections of Life
This book is a collection of many substantial and fascinating quotations about life and old age. It is mainly written for senior citizens, many quotes can apply to others as well.
Everybody’s Favorite
"Many have tried, and many will try, to capture the sweet, innocent insanity of life as a young girl during the '90s and 2000s. None have come close to the comedic perfection Lillian Stone nails again and again in Everybody's Favorite." --Glamour, Best Nonfiction Books of 2023From one of the Internet's favorite self-deprecating commentators comes Everybody's Favorite, a laugh-out-loud essay collection that tackles the relentless pursuit of perfection while navigating growing up in the early 2000s.Lillian Stone--childhood evangelical, AOL girlfriend, and professional nail biter is always living on the edge of anxiety. From the pitfalls of a girl plagued by religious trauma, the incomprehensible yet unforgiving need for perfection, and a poorly-behaved twenty-pound beagle, Everybody's Favorite is a refreshing story of what it means to pick yourself when the world is telling you otherwise. Still navigating the ins and outs of adulthood, accompanied by an obsessive-compulsive disorder that's become an exercise in self-acceptance and thus compassion, Lillian has become an expert in fighting the urge to be someone else's idea of perfect. In this laugh-out-loud essay collection, replete with cringe-inducing touchstones of an early-aughts girlhood, Lillian Stone recounts her quest to be everybody's favorite.Set largely during the early 2000s Ozarks, and peppered with Stone's biting satire and gloriously self-deprecating personal anecdotes, Everybody's Favorite is a wry, empathetic look at the chaos that ensues when we contort ourselves into an ever-changing assortment of socially acceptable shapes --only to fall out of place, twist an ankle, pee your pants a little, and realize that the pursuit of perfection isn't really all that interesting.
Laughing Paws
I have been lucky enough to share my life with many beautiful special cats and dogs. Each one has had their own special traits/personality. Each one has provided me with many special memories of times that they have melted my heart and brought tears of laughter to my face and to those of my family They each hold a very special part of my heart and it is with pleasure that I share some of their quirky behaviours and unforgettable memories.
809 Creative Chicken Names
Welcome to the wonderful world of chicken names! Naming your feathered friends is a fun and exciting way to express your creativity and add personality to your flock. Whether you have a few chickens in your backyard or a whole coop full, finding the perfect names can be a delightful challenge and is one of the most fun chicken activities of all poultry-related tasks. In this book, you'll discover 809 suggestions and ideas to inspire your chicken-naming adventure. Names are categorized into Chapters for more accessible selection. We've got traditional, all kinds of funny, classic, eccentric, goofy, "punny," and some bordering on offensive - there is something here for every Crazy Chicken Lady and every chicken!Every Crazy Chicken Lady and every chicken has a unique personality and distinct characteristics. Sometimes people name their chickens based on physical traits like color, feather pattern, or size. Some earn their names from their personality, disposition, or a particular quirk. One Magnificent Crazy Chicken Lady I know has a particularly "rough" looking rooster she calls Keith Richards. Perfection. Another has named a good portion of her flock after the cast of one of her favorite TV shows. I've got one that likes to chase cows for some reason. Her name is Cow Dog.But not everyone goes for the funny or sarcastic angle - you could just as easily choose classic leading ladies. Greta Garbo. Elizabeth Taylor. Sofia Loren. Or stick with puns - Feather Locklear, Chick Norris, Tu-Peck.The list goes on - so let's get cracking and find the perfect name for your cluckers!
