It’s Not That I’m Bitter
In a world where eye cream is made from placenta, Gina Barreca is the lone voice calling out "But wait, whose placenta is it?" In this collection of deliciously quotable essays, Gina asks the big questions: Why is there no King Charming? Why does no bra ever fit? Why do people say "cougar" like it's a bad thing? Why do we call it a glass ceiling when it's just a thick layer of men? Barreca packs a hilarious punch while gleefully rejecting emotional torture, embracing limitless laughter, and showing women how they can conquer the world with good friends ("It's not that diamonds are a girl's best friend, but a girl's best friends are diamonds"), sharp wit, great shoes, and not a single worry about VPLs.
Driving Like Crazy
Driving Like Crazy celebrates cars and author P. J. O'Rourke's love for them, while chronicling the golden age of the automobile in America. O'Rourke takes us on a whirlwind tour of the world's most scenic and bumpiest roads in trouble-laden cross-country treks, from a 1978 Florida-to-California escapade in a 1956 special four-door Buick sedan to a 1983 thousand-mile effort across Mexico in the Baja 1000 to a trek through Kyrgyzstan in 2006 on the back of a Soviet army surplus six-wheel-drive truck. For longtime fans of the celebrated humorist, the collection features a host of O'Rourke's classic pieces on driving, including "How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed and Not Spill Your Drink," about the potential misdeeds one might perform in the front (and back) seat of an automobile; "The Rolling Organ Donors Motorcycle Club," which chronicles a seven-hundred-mile weekend trip through Michigan and Indiana that O'Rourke took on a Harley Davidson alongside Car & Driver publisher David E. Davis, Jr.; his brilliant and funny piece from Rolling Stone on NASCAR and its peculiar culture, recorded during an alcohol-fueled weekend in Charlotte, North Carolina, in 1977; and an hilarious account of a trek from Islamabad to Calcutta in Land Rover's new Discovery Trek.
Problemsolved
What do mothball-induced dizziness, an oddly shaped placebo, a unique use for vinegar, a paper clip, and fish that lived have in common? These are situations that consultant Charles Scott has faced in his thirty-three years of providing occupational safety and health guidance to a broad range of businesses and institutions. The author relates these unique and sometimes humorous experiences to give the reader an appreciation for the ingenuity and hard work of both workers and all levels of management involved in small business, American style. Also included are insights into struggles required to obtain his advanced degree. He lifts the curtain just a bit to reveal behind-the-scenes barriers that many graduate students encounter. He also talks about the physical maladies that have affected him as a consequence of the projects on which he worked. Most of the incidents he relates reveal how conscientious his client contacts were in their dealings. However, a few instances of ineptitude, dishonesty, and poor management are given that should reassure the reader that Mr. Scott did have to interface with all types of personalities. The reader will also develop an appreciation of how challenging it can be for a consultant to avoid the "feast or famine" trap.
We Think We Think
Reader's Promotion: We Think We Think: Captions to the Cartoons We Live, Volume One is a potpourri of essays by author H. Alan Tansson. Runyonesque, in a light-hearted, pickle-barrel style, Tansson has forked up anecdotes from the brine: a mobster who kept fiddling with his gun, a go-go dancer who performed from the ductwork, and a sailor who kept forgetting his ship. Discover old-time corner-store philosophy reinvented for the Twenty-first Century-complete with theoretical pretzels to twist your view of everyday experience. You can explore life through bingo, life by doodling, life with sneezes, snores, and orgasms. Friendship, braggadocio, people-watching, art, cognition; you'll find a bit of everything here, except for religion, politics, and education-which is in the book next-door, Volume Two which is entitled Antidisestablishmentarianistically Speaking. Disbeliever's Promotion: Having learned you don't think at all, you'll be bursting with new ideas. Your blogs will rip the questions off tired old walls. Freed from cultural incrustations, others' arguments will drop to the floor as your voice ricochets across the web, and your witty twitters bring thousands their frabjous song! So if you're anxious for a mental renaissance, this book will do it, we think ... that is, We Think We Think.
Miss Hildreth Wore Brown
With storytelling written in the finest Southern tradition from the soap operas of Chandler Street in the quaint town of Gainesville, Georgia, to a country store on the Alabama state line, Olivia deBelle Byrd delves with wit and amusement into the world of the Deep South with all its unique idiosyncrasies and colloquialisms.
Problems Solved
What do mothball-induced dizziness, an oddly shaped placebo, a unique use for vinegar, a paper clip, and fish that lived have in common? These are situations that consultant Charles Scott has faced in his thirty-three years of providing occupational safety and health guidance to a broad range of businesses and institutions. The author relates these unique and sometimes humorous experiences to give the reader an appreciation for the ingenuity and hard work of both workers and all levels of management involved in small business, American style. Also included are insights into struggles required to obtain his advanced degree. He lifts the curtain just a bit to reveal behind-the-scenes barriers that many graduate students encounter. He also talks about the physical maladies that have affected him as a consequence of the projects on which he worked. Most of the incidents he relates reveal how conscientious his client contacts were in their dealings. However, a few instances of ineptitude, dishonesty, and poor management are given that should reassure the reader that Mr. Scott did have to interface with all types of personalities. The reader will also develop an appreciation of how challenging it can be for a consultant to avoid the "feast or famine" trap.
Rules for the Road
Most travelers leave home Monday morning for a work week in the Chicago office saying "Love yah, see you Friday." The hero in Rules for the Road is a quantum leap from that lucky character. Last Friday afternoon he kissed his wife passionately and said, "Love you, hope to see you before next month arrives." You don't fly home on Friday afternoons when you find yourself halfway around the world. We join our hero on a train in China headed for Nanjing where he and his team are about to begin another round of negotiations with a Chinese company to enter into a joint venture. The meetings, however, quickly take a back seat to the culture of the people, their mannerisms, food, drink and the winsome ways of their women with a personal agenda. When the trip gets extended by an extra week and a half, his life and the temptations of the flesh become almost intolerable. Our loving husband finds himself swept up in dangerous events that he has neither contemplated nor imagined. In other words, the magnetism of his personality has a precarious impact on the women he meets: this Svengali makes swooning ladies act out naughty thoughts.
Jewish As a Second Language
It's a NICE book. Forget Yiddish. Real Jewish is a secret language of nuance, argument, and somersaults of everyday speech; of wins, losses, and draws in competitions you had no idea you'd entered. It's everything from mastering the OAQ (Obsessive Anal Question) - "They'll de-ice the wings before we take off, right?" - to never, ever believing your mother-in-law when she says "Don't bother driving me, I'll take a cab." Now in a second edition that's bigger, better, and with more guilt, this is the indispensable guide. Who knew?* Jewish Cooking (the first two hours of boiling a chicken are just to make sure it's dead) * Jewish Eating (you should eat eight times a day if you're diabetic - or if you're not) * The Art of Two-Person Worrying (Jewish Ping-Pong)* The hotel-room-changing gene, the always-at-the-doctor gene, and other genes only Jews have * Boxing gloves, a rottweiler, Pop-Tarts, and fourteen other things you'll never find in a Jewish home * And so much more. (Why not?)
Rules for the Road
Most travelers leave home Monday morning for a work week in the Chicago office saying "Love yah, see you Friday." The hero in Rules for the Road is a quantum leap from that lucky character. Last Friday afternoon he kissed his wife passionately and said, "Love you, hope to see you before next month arrives." You don't fly home on Friday afternoons when you find yourself halfway around the world. We join our hero on a train in China headed for Nanjing where he and his team are about to begin another round of negotiations with a Chinese company to enter into a joint venture. The meetings, however, quickly take a back seat to the culture of the people, their mannerisms, food, drink and the winsome ways of their women with a personal agenda. When the trip gets extended by an extra week and a half, his life and the temptations of the flesh become almost intolerable. Our loving husband finds himself swept up in dangerous events that he has neither contemplated nor imagined. In other words, the magnetism of his personality has a precarious impact on the women he meets: this Svengali makes swooning ladies act out naughty thoughts.
Desktop Golf
Relieve stress at the office with this fun desk accessory, a must-have for golf enthusiasts! This miniature set includes: 2-1/2" x 10-1/2" mini fairway2 golf balls2 metal clubsa packet of sandMini book of fun facts and rules of the game
The New Dad from A to Z
An honest bar-table discussion for the freaked out soon-to-be-dads of the world. Finally a parenting book that expectant fathers will actually read! In The New Dad from A to Z, author and filmmaker Dan Consiglio offers freaked-out, first-time dads-to-be an honest, bar-table discussion about the reality that awaits them. No guilt trips, no only-parents-get-it inside jokes, no inane sarcasm, just the straight dope refreshingly mixed with some offbeat humor to ease the crippling anxiety. Feeling less like reading a book and more like having a conversation with a friend over a good beer, The New Dad from A to Z cuts through all the silliness, scare tactics, and obfuscation found in other books targeting dads-to-be, instead giving them as close of a reality dose as they can handle before that bundle of joy drops into their world.
The 28th Amendment
In this epic sequel to The American Nutcracker, political satirist N.O. Slak hits another home run for everyone who is tired of liberals making way too much noise. Slak takes his audience on a hilarious ride throughout Hollywood, Washington, D.C. and beyond. He rejects the notion that only celebrities have a microphone, and he contends that their knowledge about global warming, or the lack thereof, influences the mindless. In his words, "celebrities and morons are killing this country." Join Slak as he asks obvious questions such as: - Why do we accept illegal Mexican maids and fruit pickers but no one else? - Why do fat people think they have rights? - Why do companies promote Holiday Parties but have Christmas trees? Slak also examines why racial slurs - and Al Sharpton and others of his ilk - always gain so much press coverage. Explore an array of other hot-button topics, such as corporate greed and what motivates environmentalists and animal rights groups in The 28th Amendment: Who is the Village Idiot?
The 28th Amendment
In this epic sequel to The American Nutcracker, political satirist N.O. Slak hits another home run for everyone who is tired of liberals making way too much noise. Slak takes his audience on a hilarious ride throughout Hollywood, Washington, D.C. and beyond. He rejects the notion that only celebrities have a microphone, and he contends that their knowledge about global warming, or the lack thereof, influences the mindless. In his words, "celebrities and morons are killing this country." Join Slak as he asks obvious questions such as: - Why do we accept illegal Mexican maids and fruit pickers but no one else? - Why do fat people think they have rights? - Why do companies promote Holiday Parties but have Christmas trees? Slak also examines why racial slurs - and Al Sharpton and others of his ilk - always gain so much press coverage. Explore an array of other hot-button topics, such as corporate greed and what motivates environmentalists and animal rights groups in The 28th Amendment: Who is the Village Idiot?
Porgies Are Best
B.J. Ray is on a hilarious journey with one goal in mind, an interracial marriage. For sixteen years, she has been planning her escape from the South Bronx projects. If she ignores the experiences and opportunities, she may be stuck with project dwelling forever. She encounters the challenge of having to ingest salt tablets and collect rocks in one-hundred-degree weather, a prerequisite for interracial dating. She also attends Hampton share parties where white folks drink out of paper cups, not Welch's grape jelly jars, and a share consists of a cot in the laundry room every fourth weekend. She finds invited guests to your home demand bottled water, request organic wines, organic foods, and really can't tell the difference about most things in life, not to mention water, foods, and wine. One March night, B.J. Ray attends her middle sister's birthday party with her younger sister and they are summoned to pick up the Carvel cake. They don't return until the wee hours of the morning. B.J. Ray meets a man and discovers that he is the key to her becoming a highly successful individual. Porgies Are Best: A Fishmonger's Daughter is a book of vignettes of a young African American, Jewish girl from the projects of the South Bronx, who experiences love, humor, misfortune, compassion, and accomplishment.
Porgies Are Best
B.J. Ray is on a hilarious journey with one goal in mind, an interracial marriage. For sixteen years, she has been planning her escape from the South Bronx projects. If she ignores the experiences and opportunities, she may be stuck with project dwelling forever. She encounters the challenge of having to ingest salt tablets and collect rocks in one-hundred-degree weather, a prerequisite for interracial dating. She also attends Hampton share parties where white folks drink out of paper cups, not Welch's grape jelly jars, and a share consists of a cot in the laundry room every fourth weekend. She finds invited guests to your home demand bottled water, request organic wines, organic foods, and really can't tell the difference about most things in life, not to mention water, foods, and wine. One March night, B.J. Ray attends her middle sister's birthday party with her younger sister and they are summoned to pick up the Carvel cake. They don't return until the wee hours of the morning. B.J. Ray meets a man and discovers that he is the key to her becoming a highly successful individual. Porgies Are Best: A Fishmonger's Daughter is a book of vignettes of a young African American, Jewish girl from the projects of the South Bronx, who experiences love, humor, misfortune, compassion, and accomplishment.
Hear Hear!
"HEAR HEAR!" is a collection of over 700 letters and articles written by the author to the British Press over the last 11 years of the Blair/Brown governments. John Gouriet has been close to the hub of British politics for 35 years and helped Margaret Thatcher win her first election victory in 1979. Since then Mr. Gouriet has made many accurate predictions, in some cases years in advance of events. He is considered by the Sunday Telegraph to be one of their best letter writers. "Hear Hear!" is written with humour and impeccable logic about politics in Britain and abroad, especially relations with the EU and the US and the two wars. It also contains over 60 very funny and penetrating cartoons by Garland, who was cartoonist of the year in 2008, and a Foreword by Lord Tebbit, one of Lady Thatcher's leading ministers. It is a devastating critique of the actions of many who presume to govern Britain, whether by election or appointment, of all parties. Mr. Gouriet describes how public apathy, avarice and ignorance have been shamelessly exploited in pursuit of political ambition and the establishment of a socialist state answerable not to the Crown or the people but a corrupt alien power known as Euroland. In his view, unless and until the British people re-assert their rights, liberties and rule of law in accordance with the British Constitution they will remain doomed to servitude until the Euro-edifice itself collapses, which the author believes is inevitable. Until then they will have to endure the same furnace that Solzenitsyn predicted. This is the sorry conclusion drawn from one man's daily vigil. This explosive book does not make comfortable reading for those who have failed Britain, but it should prove inspirational for those determined to restore Britain's freedom and fortune.
The Simpsons Futurama Crossover Crisis
It's a comic convergence on a reality-ripping, time-altering, space-traveling, intergalactic scale for Matt Groening's two hilarious television series! It's The Simpsons Futurama Crossover Crisis--presenting all four hard-to-find comics together for the first time in a hardcover collection, encased in a die-cut slipcase, and packaged with a reprint of the very first Eisner Award-winning issue of Simpsons Comics. What would happen if the Planet Express crew and the citizens of New York City in the 31st century met the Simpsons and the citizens of Springfield . . . and how is it even possible? Prepare yourself for a Simpsons saga filled with Futurama! A Futurama fable suffused with the Simpsons! Featuring a plethora of pleasing plot devices including: evil brain spawn, lactose-intolerant space aliens, a giant ball of yarn, flying cars, mistaken identities, world domination, the brittle fabric of reality torn asunder, a comic book-collecting sentient planet, the Dewey Decimal system, self-eating watermelons, slave labor, space pirates, power-crazed vampires, super hero battles, unflattering underwear, mad science run amok, and much, much more! Edited by Bongo Comics cofounder Bill Morrison, this is the epic story that you've been waiting for . . . a story so big, so ambitious, so sweeping that it can only be told in a 208-page, large-format, slip-cased edition, complete with new material, supplemental stories, preliminary sketches, character designs, and a pin-up gallery featuring the talents of comics industry luminaries Alex Ross, Sergio Aragon矇s, Geof Darrow, Kyle Baker, Peter Kuper, and Bernie Wrightson, among others.
The Kosher Guide to Imaginary Animals
As featured on Boing Boing and Jewcy Just in time for Passover, this bite-sized bestiary is the definitive----nay, the only----A to Z guide to the kosherness of imaginary animals. The Kosher Guide is a whimsically illustrated, wild, undomesticated romp that features E.T., hobbits, Mongolian Death Worms, and even the elusive chupacabra! Once and for all, our experts will definitively describe burning questions passed down through the ages, such as: Is a vegetable-lamb a vegetable or a lamb? Does licking the Pope make you trayf? What exactly is a pollo maligno? Is Sasquatch kashrut and does it taste stringy? The Kosher Guide resolves (mostly) an ongoing, contentious debate (oy vey) between Evil Monkey--the alter-ego of bestselling fantasist Jeff VanderMeer (Annihilation)--and acclaimed editor (and co-conspirator) Ann VanderMeer (Steampunk), the creative team that produced The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases. Now you can broaden your imaginary culinary experiences guilt-free--mazel tov!
Are You a Miserable Old Bastard?
Do you always struggle to see the best in a situation? Does it seem like it's raining both outside and in? If you're blind to the lighter side of life then you're clearly a grump, but don't despair-you're in good company. Are You a Miserable Old Bastard? is an amusing celebration of the grouchiness in life, featuring wittily downbeat sayings from famous grumps including P. J. O'Rourke, Dorothy Parker, Michael Moore, H. L. Mencken, Fran Lebowitz, Winston Churchill, Groucho Marx, and W. C. Fields; pessimistic tales of doom and gloom; advice on ways to spot a naturally grumpy person; fascinating insights into the science of grumpiness; and quotations from literary and fictional gloom-mongers. If you're easily irritated by the annoyances of modern-day living, if it's the little things as well as the big things that drive you crazy, this is definitely the book for you. Topics include: *grumpiness *discontent *moodiness*doom & gloom *pessimism *idiocy*cantankerousness *contempt *loathing
Dracula Is a Racist
Vampires: The 100% Bona Fide Totally Real And Not Made Up At All TruthIn this day and age, the belief in vampires has been dwindling at an exponential rate. Those who still believe in them are often wildly misinformed. So what do you think will happen when Johnny McNormalpants finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty vampire? Probably crap his pants, but then what? An informed citizen would know exactly what to do in this situation. If only there was some way to enlighten the public about this often forgotten subject, preferably in the form of a mock informative guide or something. From Matt Melvin, one of the creators of Explosm.net and the hit online comic Cyanide & Happiness, comesDracula Is A Racist, the definitive guide to vampires, answering those gravely important questions that keep you up at night. . . Was Dracula really a racist?How do vampires do their hair if they don't have any reflection?Is it gross for immortals to be attracted to high school girls if they're stuck in a 17-year-old body?Was Sesame Street ever truly safe from The Count?Is dressing in all black and acting snobby toward everyone enough to fake being a vampire?Just how much more badass are vampires than zombies? Dracula Is A Racist is the essential vampire handbook that digs up all the dirt and backs it up with hard vampirical evidence. That's totally true. Really. Matt Melvin is a 25-year-old T-shirt aficionado and sideburn enthusiast. Along with three other dudes, he runs Explosm.net, a pretty awesome website full of awesome things. When not adding even more filth to the Internet, he enjoys criticizing and complaining about movies, listening to music and inventing obscure types of niche sexual acts. He currently lives in San Diego. He is very tall.
A Sensitive Liberal’s Guide to Life
In the tradition of The Official Preppy Handbook, The Uptight Seattleite is the Stephen Colbert of left-wing satire The author of the wildly popular Seattle Weekly advice column teaches Americans everywhere how to embrace their inner leftist. Artfully balancing the cosmic with the cosmopolitan, the Uptight Seattleite (aka Adrian) delights his loyal readers each week with snide insight on everything from fashion ("Can I pull off a Rasta beret?") to ear-bud etiquette. In A Sensitive Liberal's Guide to Life, he brings his savvy smugness to his widest audience yet, on topics such as the hierarchy of transportation righteousness (what to do with the clunky old Subaru after purchasing a Prius) and ethical behavior at the grocery store, including how to handle the horror forgetting to bring your reusable burlap sack. Other day-to-day advice covers what to read on the bus (Vonnegut versus The Kite Runner versus The Economist) and feasting at the buffet of diversity, with tips for shooting a condescending smile at those who don't know how to use chopsticks. The Uptight Seattleite also helps readers navigate the big issues, such as responsible parenting (which calls for a mini-landfill kit, perfect for the backyard and ready to be stuffed with environmentally unfriendly diapers). For every insecure liberal-and those who love to make fun of them-the Uptight Seattleite offers us laughs from the pinnacle of political correctness.
Just When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg
"From her head down to her gnarly (no longer!) toes, Kathie Lee is pure dame. And she's served up a cocktail of wit and wisdom with a decidedly salty rim!"--Meredith VieiraJust When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg is Kathie Lee Gifford's triumphant laugh-out-loud celebration of forging ahead with gusto, even long after we're old enough to know better. Age, after all, isn't a number, it's a state of mind, and being fertile isn't just about having babies, it's about being passionate and creative. Writing with the candor of a friend who knows where the bodies are buried, Kathie Lee reveals the truth every woman of a certain age knows but won't admit: that we love our kids every second of every day but are counting the minutes till they're ready to go off to college, that even though gravity is a constant force, not all parts of our bodies droop at the same rate, and that life and show business share one simple rule: "Don't sit by the phone and wait for a man or a job." Full of warmth, humor, and down-to-earth wisdom, this wonderful book is a delectable read for grown-ups of all ages. Praise for Just When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg "I've been through a couple of calamities with Kathie Lee and nobody handles them better. You could blow her up, cook her and hang her out to dry and she will still survive and have some laughs doing it."--Regis Philbin "Kathie Lee has always entertained me with her humor, wry wit, and penchant for pinpointing all of our very human foibles with great accuracy and hilarity. Now she does it again. This charming memoir filled with amusing anecdotes about herself and her family, friends, and colleagues brought a smile to my face but also touched me. Her insight is as remarkable as she is."--Barbara Taylor Bradford "Gifford dishes about everything."--The Tampa Tribune "Fans will be delighted . . . by the book's mix of earnest life lessons and self-conscious kookiness."--Publishers Weekly "Outrageously funny . . . [Gifford's] quirky sense of humor shines through."--Wichita Falls Times Record News
The Curmudgeon Speaks
You're going to like this book-maybe not every single item in it, but there are more than enough subjects to share with you in an enjoyable, interesting and, for the most part, positive way. Many involve suggestions, advice or unusual experiences (all original at the time, to the best of my knowledge). Some may be addressed more strongly but most are not controversial and are expressed with anything from humor to sarcasm. This is exactly why curmudgeons are important: they try to be helpful without being scathing. How many times have you read an editorial or article presenting a particular point of view on a troublesome subject, at the end of which you announce, "That's bull crap! He's got that completely backwards!"? How often have you spoken out about a trend that's bothered you for some time, and been ignored, only to have the nation suddenly become aware of it when someone more famous than you expresses an opinion about it on television, and all you can do is blurt out, with some frustration, "Oh, come on! I've been saying the same thing for years!"? Well, welcome to the club. The Curmudgeon Speaks offers a complete collection of the author's finest short works.
The Curmudgeon Speaks
You're going to like this book-maybe not every single item in it, but there are more than enough subjects to share with you in an enjoyable, interesting and, for the most part, positive way. Many involve suggestions, advice or unusual experiences (all original at the time, to the best of my knowledge). Some may be addressed more strongly but most are not controversial and are expressed with anything from humor to sarcasm. This is exactly why curmudgeons are important: they try to be helpful without being scathing. How many times have you read an editorial or article presenting a particular point of view on a troublesome subject, at the end of which you announce, "That's bull crap! He's got that completely backwards!"? How often have you spoken out about a trend that's bothered you for some time, and been ignored, only to have the nation suddenly become aware of it when someone more famous than you expresses an opinion about it on television, and all you can do is blurt out, with some frustration, "Oh, come on! I've been saying the same thing for years!"? Well, welcome to the club. The Curmudgeon Speaks offers a complete collection of the author's finest short works.
Life’s Little Annoyances
"A gold mine of ideas . . . to help us wage personal and quiet vengeance against those who annoy us." --South Florida Sun-Sentinel For some of us, it's the automated voice that answers the phone when we'd rather talk to a real person. For others, it's the fact that Starbucks insists on calling its smallest-sized coffee "tall." Each of us finds some aspect of everyday life to be particularly maddening, and we often long to lash out at these stubborn irritants of modern life. In Life's Little Annoyances, Ian Urbina chronicles the lengths to which some people will go when they have endured their pet peeves long enough and are not going to take it anymore. It is a compendium of human inventiveness, by turns juvenile and petty, but in other ways inspired and deeply satisfying. A celebration of the endless variety of passive-aggressive behavior, Life's Little Annoyances revels in the tactics people use to vent their anger at telemarketers, loud cell-phone talkers, spammers, and others against whom we feel powerless--until now.
101 Ways to Torture Your Husband
He forgot your birthday.He always leaves his socks on the floor.He's glued to the tube all weekend for every game.Let's face it: Even the best of husbands are a real pain in the ass sometimes. And when all the "talks," counseling sessions and self-help books fail, there's only one viable recourse: torture. In this hilarious collection of clever tricks and tactics, you will learn how to put your husband in his place when you: Bury the remote in the backyardHave lunch with an exPick a fight during the game Book a male masseuse for your next massageDelete his DVR recordingsAnd many more!Risk factors rank damage done as well as how long it'll take him to get over it. With the creatively wicked methods outlined in this manual, he'll never misbehave again!
Shakedown Blues
Hang around bikers long enough and they'll all tell you things don't always go as planned. That is proved over and over again in this collection of tales told by journalist and motorcyclist C.G. Masi. Join Masi and his band of merry bikers as they try their best to have good, clean fun while riding from Point A to Point B. It's all crammed into five road trips taken during the late 1980s and early 1990s. As they set out on their adventures, the friends have big dreams about making money doing what they love best - riding bikes. One of them wants to travel the country and make a living taking photographs. Masi wants to earn a living writing stories about his great adventures. And then there is Fred, who dreams of restoring a 1949 74 c.i.d., Hydra Glide Panhead. His mission will be the catalyst that leads to each rider falling victim to the different types of trolls that lurk under the next bridge or around the next corner in Shakedown Blues.
Pogey, Poutine and Warm, Furry Beavers
A frenetic celebration of all things Canucky ... the sort of thing you might get if you pumped Dave Barry full of maple syrup and Moosehead, then left him tied up in a sack for a week with Ron James and the Littlest Hobo.
Justice My Ass!
Justice My Ass! is a collection of trial experiences that provide insight into the criminal justice process. The stars on the "good side" are police officers, lawyers, and judges of varying degrees of ability and ethics; on the "dark side" are the evil and merely unfortunate offenders they pursue. Then, there are the colorful characters in between. The "good side" players struggle to do what is just, but often end up simply doing their jobs the best they can. Under severe stress, they find comic relief even in the worst possible situations. The criminal justice system in America is dysfunctional. That became crystal clear during the chaos of the Baltimore riots that followed the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. On April 4, 1968, Dr. King was shot down as he stood on the balcony outside his room at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee. Although not a how-to manual, Justice My Ass! provides proven trial techniques that will help lawyers, young and old, improve their courtroom presence and avoid the dangers of over-zealous tactics.
Colby and Me
Colby and Me is a collection of true adventure stories drawn from the extraordinary lives of two best friends who believe that they grew up in the finest place at the greatest time ever to be kids-in southern Oregon during the 1950s and early 1960s. By the time H.L. was six years old, he and Colby had become best buddies who shared a love of the outdoors as well as all things that exploded, burned, or shot. H.L. shares both humorous and heartfelt stories as he chronicles many of their hair-raising adventures beginning in the little country church where Colby's shameless hound, Pal, entered one Sunday morning and walked the aisle-seemingly to receive his penance-but in reality, just wanting to sit next to his beloved master. In a time when kids were free to simply be kids, H.L. details how the boys explored mountaintop limestone caves, built a rocket that went awry, and viewed a meteorite that they were sure indicated the arrival of aliens. The amusing tales of two rambunctious boys in Colby and Me highlight a time in history when children learned valuable life lessons simply by experiencing one amazing adventure after another.
Colby and Me
Colby and Me is a collection of true adventure stories drawn from the extraordinary lives of two best friends who believe that they grew up in the finest place at the greatest time ever to be kids-in southern Oregon during the 1950s and early 1960s. By the time H.L. was six years old, he and Colby had become best buddies who shared a love of the outdoors as well as all things that exploded, burned, or shot. H.L. shares both humorous and heartfelt stories as he chronicles many of their hair-raising adventures beginning in the little country church where Colby's shameless hound, Pal, entered one Sunday morning and walked the aisle-seemingly to receive his penance-but in reality, just wanting to sit next to his beloved master. In a time when kids were free to simply be kids, H.L. details how the boys explored mountaintop limestone caves, built a rocket that went awry, and viewed a meteorite that they were sure indicated the arrival of aliens. The amusing tales of two rambunctious boys in Colby and Me highlight a time in history when children learned valuable life lessons simply by experiencing one amazing adventure after another.
120 Standard Limericks
120 "STANDARD" LIMERICKS is a sort of sequel to another book by the same author. An absolute wish could be that this compilation might offer decided stylistic improvements over its predecessor. Each included limerick consists of a couple of carefully measured sentences. Ideally those should seem about as contrapuntally interrelatable as the octave and sestet in very classical sonnet writing. Any such possibility depends on subjective aspects? Anyhow: an effort was made to produce some fun little texts.
Bro on the Go
From the hit TV show How I Met Your Mother, an abbreviated, "on-the-Bro" version of the classic New York Times bestseller The Bro Code, featuring a new introduction by author Barney Stinson. When The Bro Code was first published in 2008, it took the world by storm--becoming an instant New York Times bestseller and shaping the behavior and attitudes of Bros the world over. Author Barney Stinson expected nothing less. But for some busy Bros, the standard trade paperback format was just too big and chunky to fit into their perfectly tailored suit. With this audience in mind, Stinson now presents Bro on the Go, the same classic traditions and guidelines for Bro behavior, now packaged in a more compact and awesome format. Featuring a new Introduction by the author and the same classic Bro Code articles, amendments, and Brocabulary that made the original such a hit, this book is essential reading for anyone who wants to be legen--wait for it--dary.
Vampire Taxonomy
Now that millions have read and seen Twilight, where do they turn for vampire advice? This wry, witty, fully illustrated, and bloody essential guide. Vampires are all around-books, movies, TV, comics- infiltrating our culture like never before. But what happens if one should run into a real vamp on the street? Vampire Taxonomy is the best defense against a fatal encounter in the dark. For the reader's protection, Meredith Woerner reveals the truth about: ?Sunlight sensitivity-Do vamps venture out in the day or stick solely to the evening hours? ?Physiology-When ready to feed, do they change appearance or simply lure with the seductive flash of a fang? ?Dress-Are they decked out in leather with aspirations of becoming the first vampire rock stars or do they cling to Gothic robes and ruffled collars? ?Diet-Are they waging a never-ending struggle against the temptation of human blood or do they view the world as their personal blood buffet?
The Natural Disorder of Things
It's a family feud full of fun and togetherness in Kirkman and Scott's The Natural Disorder of Things. Readers step into the home of the MacPhersons, a perfectly normal family with perfectly chaotic lives. Daryl and Wanda are deep in the trenches of child rearing, earning their stripes as parents to Zoe, Hammie, and baby Wren.Baby Blues is genuinely funny, portraying parenting the way it is, including the good, the bad, the ugly . . . and the sometimes smelly.Baby Blues "recently celebrated an achievement that is considered the comic industry's top milestone: surpassing 1,000 newspaper clients around the world." --Arizona Republic
Cheers!
We like beer in Canada. We really, really like it. And it's not just a fly-by-night, sordid little affair. We're in it long term. We spend something like $8 billion a year on beer. From barley growers to label designers, more than 170,000 Canadians owe their fulltime jobs directly or indirectly to beer. The rest of us just do what we can to help. In the long-awaited follow up to Notes on a Beermat, Pashley explores beer in Canada, covering many salient points, including chapters on - Fr癡re Ambroise, Who Started It All (Unless He Didn't)- Us Against Them: Canadians and Our Neighbours to the South- When Canadians Knew Squat: The Stubby in Our Lives- Beer: Isn't It Bad for You and Bad for the Planet?- Ale or Lager? East Is East and West Isn't- Barkeep! Gimme Another Light Dry Low-Carb Ice Beer with No Aftertaste- Are You a Beer Geek? (There's No Right Answer)- The Future of Beer: Can I Afford to Drink Beer? (Can You Afford Not To?) And much, much more!
Muni Court
While most people will never be charged with a serious crime, either you or someone you know has appeared in a Municipal Court. Municipal Court is usually a city court that handles traffic tickets, lots of traffic tickets, and ordinance violations such as accumulation of trash, and neighbor issues such as trespass and barking dogs. Fines are imposed on the guilty. Those who work there refer to it as "Muni Court." This court should not be confused with the television courtroom shows where two people ask a judge to resolve an issue that usually requires payment of money to one or the other of the participants, those are small claims courts. The patrons of Municipal Court are ordinary citizens who usually appear without the benefit of an attorney and provide their own defense in a forum with which they are not familiar. A few do very well in their own defense. Most simply want to get the matter behind them. But some provide a fascinating display of human ingenuity, ineptness, self rationalization and much unintended humor. Muni Court shares a few of author Bluth's experiences as a muni court judge in two rural communities.
Muni Court
While most people will never be charged with a serious crime, either you or someone you know has appeared in a Municipal Court. Municipal Court is usually a city court that handles traffic tickets, lots of traffic tickets, and ordinance violations such as accumulation of trash, and neighbor issues such as trespass and barking dogs. Fines are imposed on the guilty. Those who work there refer to it as "Muni Court." This court should not be confused with the television courtroom shows where two people ask a judge to resolve an issue that usually requires payment of money to one or the other of the participants, those are small claims courts. The patrons of Municipal Court are ordinary citizens who usually appear without the benefit of an attorney and provide their own defense in a forum with which they are not familiar. A few do very well in their own defense. Most simply want to get the matter behind them. But some provide a fascinating display of human ingenuity, ineptness, self rationalization and much unintended humor. Muni Court shares a few of author Bluth's experiences as a muni court judge in two rural communities.
The Human Spirit
The Human Spirit features 96 stories of reflection on life through the authors personal travel experiences in America, England, Greece, Italy, and the countries of Southeast Asia. The human interest stories and personalities featured inspire laughter, tears, and a re-thinking of lifetime directions. It is a potpourri of stories about good people, some in bad situations, who dont give up. From children to the elderly, Larry Welch reflects on the human condition, how we think, and hints to a better outcome through the power of optimism and a glad heart. Traveling from Washington, DC to Americas heartland in the Midwest and to Europe and Southeast Asia readers learn that we are truly one human family. Through differences in language, skin, religion and culture, the author exposes the joy of our humanity. The Human Spirit teaches about the good hearts in this world, how strong and generous we can be in our compassion, and readers learn a little about greed. The Human Spirit has captured those in homelessness, some people with life threatening diseases, children looking at the world through the eyes of innocence, and senior citizens living pretty good lives.
How to Be Inappropriate
Dry, offbeat, and mostly profane, this debut collection of humorous nonfiction glorifies all things inappropriate and TMI. A compendia of probing essays, lists, profiles, barstool rants, queries, pedantic footnotes, play scripts, commonplace miscellany, and overly revealing memoir, How to Be Inappropriate adds up to the portrait of an artist who bumbles through life obsessed with one thing: extreme impropriety. In How to Be Inappropriate, Daniel Nester determines the boundary of acceptable behavior by completely disregarding it. As a twenty-something hipster, he looks for love with a Williamsburg abstract painter who has had her feet licked for money. As a teacher, he tries out curse words with Chinese students in ESL classes. Along the way, Nester provides a short cultural history on mooning and attempts to cast a spell on a neighbor who fails to curb his dog. He befriends exiled video game king Todd Rogers, re-imagines a conversation with NPR's Terry Gross, and invents a robot version of Kiss bassist Gene Simmons. No matter which misadventure catches their eye in this eclectic series of essays, How to Be Inappropriate makes readers appreciate that someone else has experienced these embarrassing sides of life, so that they won't have to.
Dirty Sanchez’s Guide to Buck Nasty Sex
From the Tea Bag and Donkey Punch to the Rusty Trombone and Cleveland Steamer, Dirty Sanchez's Guide to Buck Nasty Sex shows how to pull off the most intimate sex moves like a pro. Plus, Dirty Sanchez himself provides expert advice on over-the-top positions like the Angry Dragon, Alabama Hot Pocket and Space Docking, as well as his personal collection of never-before-published sex acts, including: -The Last Unicorn-The Exorcist-Vampire Tea Bag-Pterodactyl-Kamikaze
What the Duck
Online cult favorite What the Duck has made the jump from computer screens to comic collection in this hilarious first installment of What the Duck comics. The strip's minimalist style and nonverbal humor set the scene for the wise-quacking duck photographer's adventures in the world of professional photography. All creative and media professionals will love this satirical look at their career of choice, and anyone who loves a good laugh will enjoy creator Aaron Johnson's visual humor and witty take on life.
Confessions of a Swinging Single Sea Turtle
What happens in Sherman's Lagoon doesn't always stay in Sherman's Lagoon. In this, the fourteenth collection of Sherman's Lagoon comic strips, we examine the once-taboo subject of sea turtle courting rituals and conclude that, although sea turtles may be remarkable navigators, it's a cruel exercise in Darwinism when they show up at the right place without the right pickup line.With 280 strips featuring the adventures and misadventures of Sherman the great white shark and undersea entourage, Confessions of a Swinging Sea Turtle gives fans of the strip a much-needed dip in Sherman's Lagoon.
I Drink for a Reason
The star and creative force behind Mr. Show and Arrested Development pens his "first and final book, chronicling his meteoric rise and abysmal fall in the literary world." After a decade spent in isolation in the Ugandan jungles thinking about stuff, David Cross has written his first book. Known for roles on the small screen such as "never-nude" Tobias Funke on Arrested Development and the role of "David" in Mr. Show With Bob And David, as well as a hugely successful stand-up routine full of sharp-tongued rants and rages, Cross has carved out his place in American comedy. Whether deflating the pomposity of religious figures, calling out the pathetic symbiosis of pseudo-celebrity and its leaching fandom, or merely pushing the buttons of the way-too-easily offended P.C. left or the caustic, double-standard of the callous (but funnier) right, Cross has something to say about everyone, including his own ridiculous self. Now, for the first time, Cross is weaving his media mockery, celebrity denunciation, religious commentary and sheer madness into book form, revealing the true story behind his almost existential distaste of Jim Belushi ("The Belush"), disclosing the up-to-now unpublished minutes to a meeting of Fox television network executives, and offering up a brutally grotesque run-in with Bill O'Reilly. And as if this wasn't enough for your laughing pleasure in these troubled times, some of the pieces splinter off with additional material being created online in exclusive video and animated web content created solely for the book-a historical first (presumably)! With a mix of personal essays, satirical fiction posing as truth, advice for rich people, information from America's least favorite Rabbi and a top-ten list of top-ten lists, I Drink for a Reason is as unique as the comedian himself, and cannot be missed.
My Dog Ate My Nobel Prize
Jeff Martin was born in 1980. Jeff Martin made millions on the stock market. Jeff Martin lost millions on the stock market. Jeff Martin stopped a Chinese tank at Tiananmen Square. Jeff Martin managed Michael Dukakis's 1988 presidential campaign. Jeff Martin co-wrote Aliens 2: More Aliens with James Cameron. Jeff Martin had a torrid and brief creative relationship with Disney's animation department. Jeff Martin disguised himself as a midget, joined NASA, and became the first-ever child in space, all in tribute to the Challenger space shuttle tragedy. Such is only a sample of the amazing life of Jeff Martin, a modern-day renaissance man/child, adept at everything, and uniquely attuned to the goings-on of our evolving planet. He is equal parts Doogie Howser and Forest Gump -- as likely to break an age barrier as to coincidentally find himself in the trenches of history. Get ready for a groundbreaking memoir overflowing with action, history, social commentary, and unchecked facts. Along the way, there will be love, loss, cool drawings from Truth Serum cartoonist Jon Adams, and some more unchecked facts. And as a free promotion, we're offering a money-back guarantee that this book will not disgrace Oprah.
Belle Weather
Hang on to your hats! We're in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, "Think Dave Barry with a female point of view." With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you'll hear from Celia on: - The joys of remodeling Tara - How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew - Britney's To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up - How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day - Why French women suck at competitive eating - The truth about nature deficit disorder - The difference between cockroaches and water bugs - The beauty of Bedazzlers - And much, much more! Whether she's doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna's mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.
