Runs on the Run
Runners get to experience some things in ways non-runners never will. There's no two ways about it, what goes in must come out. And running sure expedites the process with unpredictable results. This book is meant to educate as well as entertain. The vignettes are almost too unbelievable to be made up. They have come from around the world. Read carefully to get the full effect. This is also a practical guide to bodily functions and bodily function management for any endurance athlete. We explore the phenomenon of running, cycling and triathlon racing and endurance training; and their effects on going number two. You will find science, myth, anecdotes and magic.
Deep Black
When retired accountant, detective fiction devotee and lifelong philanderer, Philip Ramsbottom, set up a private investigation agency, he had thought it wise to accept only straightforward tasks - after all, his entire experience of detective work had been gained from reading crime novels. Philip had thus not expected his very first commission to draw him into the murky world of espionage. Elite special agents were required to save the British and NATO nuclear submarine fleets. Such a dangerous assignment, however, would have been more suitably allocated to people with relevant experience - in preference to Philip and his former lover, Rebecca Carter. The quest for the Sirens' Song Configuration would have been much better pursued by the ultra-secret group of super-spies known as Deep Black. In another affectionate tribute to many classic storylines, Swan Morrison once again incorporates comedy, crime, espionage, romance, the paranormal and more into a complex and action packed adventure thriller.
I'm Married... Shoot Me!
The harrowing tales of your average Husband. Children, insanity and manly cowardice, all wrapped up in love.
Piano, Piano, My Ass!
Anne and I are hands-on inner-city house renovators from Richmond, VA, who happened to make good on some real estate investments. We are not now, nor have we ever been, rich. We are front runners who go where others fear to tread. Some call us foolish, most call us courageous, everyone thinks we're crazy but we have a lot of fun. And we work hard. And we drink a lot of wine. We organized a tour of seventeen houses in Italy offered for sale via the Internet. We bought a 1200-year-old 3000 sq ft house to renovate on the main piazza of an old walled village founded by the Romans around 200 AD. It was not a Ryan Home. What follows in this book, in this true chronology of our ordeal, is an unabridged look into the joys, the miseries, the mistakes, the humor, the beauty, the ugliness and everything else that went into the pursuit of our quest from both technical, political and emotional points of view. It's a fun read, go ahead, risk $2.99 and tag along with us for a few hours of entertainment.
Still Married ... Still Laughing
A second collection of comments, observations, and one liners covering forty years of marriage, sex, family, sex, getting older, sex, teaching, sex, vacations, and you guessed it...sex.
Short but Sweet 'n' Sour
This book I have been writing for some time. It is a collection of short stories, most factual, some fictitious. They are I hope funny and entertaining, interspersed with a few to shock or leave you wondering, hence the sweet and sour analogy. I trust you will enjoy them and come back for seconds. I was encouraged by my friends to release this, as most of them had read my poetry books, 'Poetry from a Tangled mind' and 'Poetry from a Thoughtful mind' and enjoyed them immensely, thankfully. All I can say is that they are gluttons for punishment! Please sit somewhere comfortable and tuck in and enjoy the feast. George Howard
Dying for Hammer
Michael is a blot on the landscape of Karnstein: a foul, boorish bumpkin whose only concern is where his next pint is coming from. So when he decides to help a group of strangers find their missing friend, none of the locals care much whether he lives or dies. When he does both, however, the bloody certainties of the village start to unravel: and for Michael, questions arise as to whether his life might have more meaning than he - or anyone else - might believe. With a cast of much-loved British film actors and a plot that will be familiar to any fan of Hammer horror films, Steve Manthorp's short novel is the crudest, goriest - and laugh-out-loud funniest - exploration of existential uncertainty you will read this year.
Oh Sharon!
Ever get that feeling that life is out to trip you up? Sharon Carter knows that feeling only too well. All she's doing is trying to make a living and pay her bills. She steps out of her comfort zone to attend a talk that her best friend Ronnie has recommended. It has the most unforeseen outcome and she embarks on a roller coaster journey from Stockport to Sri Lanka with the mysterious Swami, a hypnotic and charismatic man in a purple robe.
Mordor, California
Fred Oglesburg has had enough. The vile woman his father plans to marry has already shipped his grandfather to an elder care center. Now she plans to push Fred out, too. But Fred has a plan to get rid of her first and get his parents back together. He plots to burgle the engagement ring and travel with his best friend, Stan, to Mordor, California, where he hopes to destroy the ring once and for all. On their quest from Oregon to southern California, the boys are joined by a growing cast of quirky characters. Fred's neighbor, who still dreams of appearing on Nickelodeon GUTS, a gameshow that stopped airing years ago, lends the fellowship his NERF bow. When the boys bust Fred's grandfather out of his institution, the fellowship gains a somewhat unconventional magician. And Gemma Lee is an aspiring rockstar-a true ax woman whose guitar licks deal serious damage. Can these allies help Fred and Stan escape the many foes closing in on them? Will Fred's gambit actually work? Or will the rigors of the road tear even the best of friends apart?
Poisoned Pens
Eight people sign up for a creative writing course at the tranquil Skye Creative Hub. But Tessa Birnie is dismayed to find that her teaching partner is Max Logan. Max is less than happy at having his style cramped by Tessa's presence. Marcus and Megan, manager and assistant at the Creative Hub, are each on their own retreat from shady pasts. They do their best to help the course to run smoothly; but as ever more strange events occur, chaos descends upon the group. As Pamela revels in being close to her literary idol, and Leon is confronted by his alter ego, Beryl and Jack discover that each has a secret agenda and is not all they seem. Leila, Tessa's agent's latest hot property, struggles with writer's block and Max's unwanted attentions. No-one knows what's happened to Anna after the first night, when there was much corridor creeping and a case of mistaken bedrooms. Is Malcolm the postie a kind and considerate young man, or does he harbour a malevolent side? Lives will change inexorably.
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
The day to day fun and experiances of running a small business for over 34 years.
The Urban Manners Manifesto
A practical, down-to-earth and no holds barred guide for conducting yourself like a civilized member of society while simultaneously visiting, living or working in a city. Thinking about grabbing a lamb kabob before getting on the bus? Not sure if cleaning your ears can wait until you get home? Don't worry! We've got you covered.
House of Sunshine
The third book in a series beginning with Oh Sh**!, followed by Good Men and Mavericks, it covers further trials of Sharon, a forty-something British woman. In House of Sunshine she sets out on a trip across America in a Winnebago but as usual nothing goes according to plan for Sharon.
Bubbles & Bush 2000-2008
Those were some "Nutty Naughts." Days when calling yourself Dot.com could make you rich. Usually the same year. And when Rumors of Mass Destruction were all you needed to start a war. This book remembers the fun side of the Bubble bust and Bush boom. That dawning decade of our 21st Century when a Copy-Boy could become a media mogul and a global power could fix the world - all in one season. Culled from the digital pages of pioneer blog ScreedMe.com - Bubbles & Bush reclaims that shiny mini-era when stock-options became better than money and failure became the stepping stone to success. Both in business and in war. Stones that built the future we now call ..."Now." Best part - You don't really need to read much here since these are all really quick little essays. With lots of really fun little pictures.
The Henchmen's Book Club
Mark Jones is a henchman for hire. He guards bunkers, patrols perimeters and stands around in a boiler suit waiting to get knocked out by Ninjas. This is his job. He has worked for some of the most notorious super villains the world has ever known - Doctor Thalassocrat, Victor Soliman, Polonius Crump; Mark was with each of them when they met their makers at the hands of British Secret Service super-spy, Jack Tempest, and lived to tell the tale - if not pay the bills. Still for every hour under gunfire there are weeks and months of sitting around on monorails so Jones starts a book club with his fellow henchmen. It was only meant to pass the time. It was never meant to save the world. From the bestselling author of The Burglar Diaries and the movie Wild Bill.
I'm Never Fine
In I'm Never Fine, a collage memoir of essays and poetry, Joseph Lezza shouts in the dark from the backseat of a stranger's car, a ditch on the Italian coast, a forest outside the arctic, and from the bottom of a shaving cream can.When Joseph caught himself wishing necrotizing skin infections upon unhurried retirees in the self checkout lane, and fantasized about loud-talking commuters making quick friends with the underside of a steamroller, he began to wonder if he was fine.Of all the things Joseph Lezza could have been, he certainly wasn't fine.The "fine" he'd adopted watching his father succumb to cancer was beginning to wane. It could no longer be used as a shield to melt the face off of anyone who dared inquire. All the "fines" prophesized in every article, every book, and every inspirational meme-courtesy of every armchair expert with a pulse and internet connection-had lost their value.When Joseph realized he was facing a future that would find him standing over the carcass of an overzealous Costco greeter, one thing became clear: moving on required looking back. This memoir is an autopsy of perceived missteps, a conclusion to unfinished conversations, and a reframing of flawed judgments through the eyes of a young man in search of a feeling. Search for that feeling with Joseph Lezza in I'm Never Fine.
Whatamigonnado?!
Real-life adventure mixed with a few tall tales and down-home good humor make this, not only an interesting read, but one that you can relate to. Perhaps some of these improbable events have happened to an acquaintance, a neighbor or even to you! You'll laugh till your eyes water and perhaps shed an occasional tear. As you discover how I answered the question, WHATAMIGONNADO?! you'll reflect on how you've answered the same question throughout your own life. Enjoy!
The world according to Captain Mike
Life doesn't have to be dull and boring. The same goes for running a business. Creating an environment where everyone loves to go to work because it is a fun place to be is a great thing to aspire to. The loyalty and effort your team will return to the business will make it that much more rewarding for everyone.Captain Mike's natural business instincts and strong sense of humour mean doing business (or living) with Mike is always guaranteed to be efficient yet entertaining. Over the years he has made an art of forging the impossible when it comes to carving out business success and his approach has resulted in him winning a range of national and local business, sales, tourism and customer service awards. Throughout all his adventures, both business and personal, Captain Mike's approach has been hilarious and anything but normal! His quick wit and love of analogies have generated hundreds of funny and insightful comments to energise his team and family when they needed (or even didn't need) a dose of humour to help them move forward through any situation. The world according to Captain Mike brings together some of his favourite one liners to help inspire and entertain you!Get ready for a great read - and feel free to quote Captain Mike in your own conversations!
The System Is Broken Bad
Ryan Scott is a hard working father of twin boys, over whelmed by the incompetence of the family court system. After failing another attempt at gaining full custody of his children and coming face to face with yet another one of the kids mothers boyfriends. He decides it's time to take matters into his own hands. With the help and bright ideas from his best friend Craig, they Frame Mary Aspy (the children's mother) as a Meth dealer. Little did they know she really was. Placing Ryan, Craig and the rest of the family in some sticky situations. This story is a bitch slap of truth that shows how far a father will go to get what's right for his kids. In one hilariously outrageous and entertaining fashion. "The System Is Broken Bad" is brought to you by the author of "Christian & Single" and "Slinging Meat".
The Great Stone Robbery
What do you get when you combine a 55-carat diamond, three idiots, a sexually charged septuagenarian, a double-cross, a triple-cross, a Mrs. Cross, and two bounty hunters who smoke marijuana out of fruit? A Great Stone Robbery, or a Parade of Idiots.
Diary of a Mummy Misfit
Ever felt like you don't belong? When Libby Marchant and husband Ned made the monumental decision to sacrifice luxuries and holidays to see their only son Max through private education, they hadn't expected to meet so many unsavoury and dislikeable personalities along the way. Happily, the cruel jibes of the pompous 'Meemies' are made more tolerable by the lasting and loyal friendship they strike up with the affluent Fenella & Josh. Follow Libby's journey as she discovers the chasm between the Haves and the Have-Nots in her mad new world of school committees, designer handbags, bitching and botox. With Fenella by her side, Libby is able to maintain her sanity. But what happens when the credit crunch bites, you're desperate for another baby and your Asian neighbour is trying to match-make you with her infatuated son?
Jasco County a hairy comedy
A visitor in the middle of the night sets the stage at the home of Edith Talbot and her granddaughter Tammy Talbot, upsetting the Trailer park world and its weird and strange residents.
It's My Party and I'll Lie If I Want To
PLEASE NOTE, THIS IS THE FIRST EDITION. THE 2023 UPDATE EDITION IS SEPARATELY AVAILABLE ON AMAZON , ISBN 978 1 9162486 8 7The lies reached a new intensity in 2021-2022 in UK Government, with declarations that there were no parties in Downing Street.How to respond? Laugh or Cry?The "Laugh" option is provided here by renowned satirists Augusta Lees and Mike Cashman. Mike previously authored a Brexit Musical and a Covid-19 Musical.This book contains not only the lyrics for 120 parody songs and sketches by Augusta and Mike, but also QR codes to take you directly to more than 100 videos, bringing the songs and sketches to life.The book is organised by scandal, with chapters for Covid, Corruption, Partygate, Brexit and its Impact, and Boris Johnson's desperate attempt to cling on to power in Downing Street, before moving on the the Tory Leadership campaign, So the book brings you political satire in cabaret, with the wonderfully musical and wickedly witty Augusta Lees singing, playing, and slipping in some devastating asides. And you can find all the lyrics in this book if you would like to sing along.Meanwhile Mike brings sketches, poems and some more songs, including commentary from Lord Toritori and Mr Curtis Lee-Smugg with Tory messages, including one piece of nonsense used at the first opportunity by Boris Johnson during Prime Minister's Questions. (Perhaps he is a secret fan?)"I particularly liked 'Putrefied Words of Dribble' - Dillie Keane, "Fascinating Aida", commenting on Augusta's version of "Let It Be"."Brilliant" - Cold War Steve."So effin funny" - Billy Mac"Lovely Stuff" - Matt Green."Very good" - All Shorts"Banksy on a Piano" - Dr Sarah Ali
The Total Joy of Travelling on Public Transport
Ah, the total joy of travelling on public transport. Do you love travelling with the delightfully varied public and their dubious electronic gadgets and often odious habits? Do you mind when the person behind you has a full blown argument on their mobile phone with the speaker positioned at extra loud, just so you are sure to get both argumentative sides of the mutual yelling? Is it OK for someone to apply their nail polish on a hot bus, thereby nearly choking the other passengers to death with the toxic fumes? Would special mobile confessionals built into modes of public transport ease the congestion of verbal diarrhoea from total strangers? Do you balk at getting up close and personal with the great unwashed? Are you the kind of person that finds the joys of travelling on public transport highly amusing, or would you rather just throw yourself under a bus?
Tales in the Laurels
Original, funny Appalachian and Native American stories as told by Clyde Hollifield. Take a trip to the Tribal side, and explore realities you never knew. Learn what strange and unknown things lurk on the edges of our small World views. Experience Tribal humor at its best. IMAGINE THE WORLD AS YOU NEVER KNEW IT.
The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Ambrose Bierce's classic collection of witty and satirical asides, arranged alphabetically as a dictionary, is presented here in full.Known as a hero for his actions in the American Civil War, Bierce distinguished himself later in life as a barbed commentator who would turn his ire to all sorts of topics. Today, most of his journalism and opinion pieces are consigned to obscurity. Lasting fame however was gained from the Devil's Dictionary; wherein Bierce redefines popular terms in a deeply sardonic, even bitter, manner. Bierce had a painful experience fighting, where he lay wounded for hours upon a hellish battlefield. He watched men slaughter one another like animals, and this horrific experience changed his outlook forever: Bierce viewed mankind and life through a cynical lens, and it was this outlook that lost him many friends. He achieved final notoriety when, in 1913, he disappeared without trace and was never found. The Devil's Dictionary is, as the title suggests, full of dark and devilish humor. For instance, it describes the Adam's Apple as a "protuberance on the throat of a man, thoughtfully provided by Nature to keep the rope in place." and marriage as a "state of temporary insanity only cured by the passage of time." Such brief, cutting asides are perfect for occasional reference, when one is in the mood for dark wit. Underpinned by brevity and a keen sense of the ironic, this book is a satiric masterwork and a perfect introduction to the author. Few of the definitions feel dated or rooted in their time: Bierce composed his satirical dictionary over decades in the late-19th and early 20th century. Later writers such as H. L. Mencken admired and took inspiration from Bierce's many barbs, and he remains admired to this day.
Getting Shit Done
Getting Shit Done is a parody of the cult time-management hit, Getting Things Done by David Allen. It contains over a dozen ludicrous tools and tips to increase productivity.
Off Color
"Off Color" is a hand doodled coloring book filled with offensive words and phrases! With 24 pages of packed coloring cussing and 7 blank offensive pages, there is guaranteed coloring and doodling fun for hours! Phrases Include: "F#$! Off" "B!#*ch" "S!$T Faced" "Dumb Ass" And Much Much More!
Aston Uni Farce Fact and Fiction
A collection of farcical and not so funny situations at Aston University by the characterised Estates Team from 1990 to 2005
Gooby Ranch Reports
Join Dick and Mary Ann as they live the good life on their Montana ranch.
Fifteen Inches of Grey & That Weekend That Chomped Testicles
Two books in one!!! First, one of the most important people on planet Bane, and the only way our hero can solve the case is to have lots of sex. Second, our hero is shot with a raygun that makes him impotent, and he drinks til he forgets the tragity
BATMAN the fall
Batman is the story of Batman, except he's nice this time... at night ... with his enemies.
Stories My Hairdresser Likes
This is a collection of much-loved family stories. They have been passed down through their re-telling in the evenings as we all gathered at the end of the day and happily remembered our past adventures with our colorful relatives.
Shakespeare
This work has been selected by scholars as being culturally important, and is part of the knowledge base of civilization as we know it.This work is in the "public domain in the United States of America, and possibly other nations. Within the United States, you may freely copy and distribute this work, as no entity (individual or corporate) has a copyright on the body of the work.Scholars believe, and we concur, that this work is important enough to be preserved, reproduced, and made generally available to the public. We appreciate your support of the preservation process, and thank you for being an important part of keeping this knowledge alive and relevant.
Peg O' My Heart
This work has been selected by scholars as being culturally important, and is part of the knowledge base of civilization as we know it.This work is in the "public domain in the United States of America, and possibly other nations. Within the United States, you may freely copy and distribute this work, as no entity (individual or corporate) has a copyright on the body of the work.Scholars believe, and we concur, that this work is important enough to be preserved, reproduced, and made generally available to the public. We appreciate your support of the preservation process, and thank you for being an important part of keeping this knowledge alive and relevant.
An Irish Adventure
The friends from the Book of Face are off again on another adventure. This time they are visiting Ireland and their journey will culminate in the Dublin St. Patrick's Day Parade. This is an enjoyable romp into the imaginary world of the Friends of The Book of Face and generated so much fun and laughter in its creation.
Leca Diaries Volume 2
Dr Andrew Evans and his wife Linda live in a secluded hameau in the South of France. Back for his second edition and by popular demand, Andrew recounts the times of village life in the Pyr矇n矇es during lockdown.
