Icebreakers
Parlez with the Hoi Polloi and Make Your Chatter Matter, With 150 Conversation Starters for Every Occasion, from First Dates to Last Orders. Silence is seldom misquoted, but it's also easily misinterpreted. Being a wallflower might keep you out of trouble, but it also keeps you out of the in-crowd. It's okay, you don't need to stay long; just long enough to make an impression. No more awkward pauses! The ice won't break itself, but most people are merely waiting for that to happen. Step out of the background - most people want you to take the lead. That way they can blame you if it all goes wrong. It's human nature but you can use it. After all, fortune favours the bold. Learn how to elegantly impose yourself with C.P. Sharpe's Icebreakers: 150 questions for every situation, from dating to dining, from casual get-togethers to formal gatherings. Draw from an arsenal of posers that are both silly and serious, personal and pertinent, where the conversation has already been started for you. C.P. Sharpe knows all about social anxiety and not knowing what to say. Being the one to create the awkward silence only makes it worse. Get to know the people around you better, from loved ones and friends to colleagues and acquaintances, to some of the faces you don't even like. Categories include Skills to Personal Preference, Random to Personal Opinion, and Thoughtful to Just Plain Personal. Each question has a pre-written answer, as though you were talking to the author. You can give your own response, or you can pass off his answer as your own (he'll never know.) If you've ever felt embarrassed about the dark corners of your own inner world, just download this book and feel better that you don't live in the author's. Read all 262 pages to yourself or read them out loud, C.P. Sharpe's Icebreakers will be your escort to any event, and you won't even need to leave a tip. (Although the contents are in no way explicit, the issues raised and subjects discussed are certainly aimed at discerning adults, so in that sense, this book is not recommended for minors.)
The Cat Operator's Manual
Get the most out of your domestic cat with this helpful and handy Cuddle Unit 5(TM) operating instruction manual. The Cat Operator's Manual is a fresh and quirky guide to understanding your cat, complete with assembly, warnings, insights into all of your Cuddle Unit 5(TM)'s features and modes, and a bonus sticker sheet. We recommend that you read these operating instructions thoroughly to quickly become acquainted with your Cuddle Unit 5(TM) and enjoy all of its features. In these pages, you'll find many useful tips and information concerning your safety, how to care for your Cuddle Unit 5(TM), and how to maintain Cuddle Unit 5(TM)'s interest in you, including: Decipher your Cuddle Unit 5(TM)'s Mood Mode Indicator. Understand when your unit is in Eco Mode and when it's time for Solar Charging. Learn more about how Turbo Mode is activated. Read up on how your Cuddle Unit 5(TM) will interface with robotic vacuum cleaners and recreational catnip. With tongue-in-cheek advice and spot-on illustrations that feel just like browsing a real user manual, this book gets two opposable thumbs up. We hope you enjoy your Cuddle Unit 5(TM) and wish you safe and pleasant petting. Thank you for choosing Cuddle Unit 5(TM)--we value your trust in us. UNBEATABLE GIFT FOR CAT LOVERS: This cheeky manual makes a fantastic present for all the cat ladies, cat moms, cat dads, and cat people in your life. There's even a bonus sticker sheet inside! PLAYFUL AND UNIQUE MUST-HAVE: Packaged to look like a vintage operating manual, The Cat Operator's Manual takes cats to a whole new level. For anyone who ever wished their cats could come with instructions--now they do! SILLY YET PRACTICAL CAT FACTS BOOK: This humorous manual stems from real information about cats, such as what triggers their zoomies, why they need to lay in the sun without moving an inch for hours, and why they may leave you unwelcome treats in unexpected places. Perfect for: Cat lovers Gift-giving from the cat, for first-time cat owners, or to celebrate a pet adoption Engineers, technical writers, and anyone who enjoys spending time with a good operations manual Fans of quirky books and popular animal humor books such as I Could Pee on This, The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America, and How to Pet a Cat
Italy Can Bite Me
Note To Self: Don't Fall For Your Tour Guide's "Rock Solid" Tower of Pisa.There are two types of people: planners and chaos-makers. I, Katie Crawford, am the former-color-coded, laminated, and ready for anything. So when my fianc矇 dumps me for being too Type A, I do the logical thing: fly to Italy with my cougar aunt's senior-swingers'-bus-tour to prove I can be spontaneous.The plan: Loosen up. Be fun. Win my fianc矇 back. The problem: Him.Matteo Monti-ridiculously gorgeous, charming, and smug. My Italian tour guide who treats life like a never-ending holiday. He calls me Checklist. I call him Walking Red Flag. Now, thanks to some highly suspicious booking errors, we're sharing hotel rooms, stealing kisses under Venetian stars, and fighting over who's in control (Spoiler: It's me. Obviously).Tour Guide Rule #1: Don't Catch Feelings.Ciao, I'm Matteo, and I have a system. Show tourists Italy, flex my forearms, avoid emotional entanglements. Simple, right? Until I meet her-Katie-stubborn, uptight, and impossible to resist. The more I push, the harder she pushes back. And now? I'm forgetting why I ever made rules at all.She's running from perfect. I'm hiding from forever. But on these winding Italian roads, we might just crash right into love.Italy Can Bite Me is a spicy, laugh-out-loud romcom about desire, detours, and what happens when life refuses to follow the itinerary. Meghan Quinn fans will love this Opposites Attract, Vacation Fling, Road Trip romance with steamy Forced Proximity and Snarky Banter as Foreplay.
America, Let Me in
A hilarious and satirically accurate introduction to the United States immigration system from comedian and writer for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Felipe Torres Medina Born in Colombia, Felipe Torres Medina moved to the US at the age of 21 and has spent over ten years of his life both navigating the chaos and confusion of the immigration system and explaining that craziness to the clueless Americans around him. There are few subjects that Americans have stronger opinions on. And there are few subjects that they know less about. So, like many immigrants before him, Torres Medina sets out to do the job American-born citizens won't: make the US immigration process accessible, relatable, and, hey, a little bit funny. With an outsider's eye, an insider's affection, and a biting, humorous flair, Torres Medina invites readers from all passport lines to explore the multiple paths and potholes of moving to America, and experience just how many choices it takes to choose a new home. In this laugh-out-loud book, you will be taken down a multitude of possible immigration stories that range from the kafkaesquely silly to an uproarious good time. Some of them are real things that happened to Felipe--like discovering in an immigration interview that he shares a name with several criminals--and some of them are totally invented and will make you question your sanity. By the end of this handy guide, you'll learn all you need to know about visas like the H-1B work visa, the infamous 90-day fianc矇 visa, the so-called Einstein visa, and many more. Remember, the fate of each character's journey is all in your hands. So choose at your own risk.
I Wrote A Book, Twice!
This book is a collection of my previous two books of humor, "I Wrote A Book!" and "I Wrote Another Book!" It additionally has seven new items added for readers enjoyment. This collection includes riddles, fun trivia, and various quips from the 2010's. There's plenty of jokes for all ages, covering ideas across multiple generations! Various poems are included, some humorous, some more serious. There's even a few ghost stories! So enjoy this book of random silliness, or your money wasted!
That Little Game
This collection of the classic 1920s newspaper comic, "That Little Game," entertains with dry wit and slice-of-life humor. Bert Link pictures all aspects of poker playing and those who play it. His artistry details environment and personality. Link's contribution to newspaper comics has often been overlooked by comic historians, but comic fans can now enjoy his work once again.More comic art titles available from CoachwhipBooks.com.
Medieval Cats
A hilarious celebration of cats in artwork from medieval times. Look what the cat dragged in from the Middle Ages--a curious compendium of cats unlike any you've ever lapped up before. For more than a millennium, a myriad of medieval manuscripts and artworks painted a picture of cats as playful and curious but also lazy, selfish, and vicious. Today, these masterpieces live on, shining a bright light on the dark age of cats and telling a hilarious story of their paw-some glory. From bum-licking to cat-fighting to mouse-tricking, Medieval Cats is a hilarious celebration of cats who are up to no good. Learn cat facts from the Middle Ages and the origins of cat proverbs, and discover poems and excerpts from literature that mention cats. Both humor book and peek into medieval art, Medieval Cats is for cat lovers--and haters--everywhere!
A Dumb Birds Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever
Professional birding amateur and national bestselling author Matt Kracht has had it with these goddamn birds. His new book is a warning, a field guide to help you identify and stay away from the absolute worst birds ever to plague planet Earth. Featuring an all-new scientific scale devised by the author that proves how awful birds really are. We can all agree--birds are terrible. They're stupid and won't shut up. Featuring fifty of the absolute worst birds to fly the earth, Kracht identifies each of their most terrible qualities, details exactly why they suck, and shows you why with furious (but actually quite lovely) full-color drawings. Including all-new, all-worst fowl, such as: The absolute waste of feathers Cruddy Turdstone (Ruddy Turnstone) The utter a-hole Blank Staring-Eyes Flycrapper (Black Paradise Flycatcher) The outright loser Dowdy Woodfucker (Downy Woodpecker) And many more Even the author's previous bird takedown guides are no preparation for this hilariously harrowing collection of squawking, conceited, trash-eating, and even murderous idiots. The horror. The horror . . . LOVE BIRDS? HATE BIRDS?: For those who hate birds and for bird lovers everywhere with a sense of humor, this illustrated handbook is equal parts profane and funny, and--let's face it--true. BESTSELLING AUTHOR: Matt Kracht is the author of the bestselling Field Guide to Dumb Birds series, including The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America, The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of the Whole Stupid World, and The Big Dumb Bird Journal, and (in a startling turn of enthusiasm) OMFG, BEES! ENTERTAINING AND EDUCATIONAL: This uproarious guide to all things wings includes migratory maps, tips for bird identification, musings on the avian population and classification, and more. Plus, each entry is accompanied by facts about a bird's (annoying) call, its (dumb) migratory pattern, its (downright tacky) markings, and more. TRULY THE WORST BIRDS---A MUST-HAVE GUIDE: Even if you're familiar with the winged disasters from Matt's previous guidebook/warnings, buckle up. From the introduction: "Birds are TERRIBLE. I have spent years, YEARS, of my life studying birds. Watching them. Analyzing their behaviors. Determining their 'contributions' to the world. I am an expert, so believe me when I tell you this: Birds are horrible people. And the birds included in THIS book are, by far, the worst of the lot. Of all the shit-eating birds that I've had the misfortune to catalog over the course of my career as a scientist and professional bird critic, THESE birds take the absolute SHIT-CAKE!" GREAT GIFT FOR BIRD LOVERS: Pair with The Field Guide to Dumb Birds Sticker Book to create the perfect present for full-on bird experts and amateur birders alike. Perfect for: Birdwatching and nature enthusiasts People who think birds are creepy or annoying (and people who love birds but also enjoy a good laugh) Anyone looking for the ultimate coffee table book or bar-top conversation starter Gift givers seeking a fun, quirky gift for their favorite bird enthusiast or animal lover
When a Reindeer's Gotta Go
Ever wonder what really happens behind the scenes at the North Pole? Sure, the elves are busy making toys and Santa's preparing for his midnight ride-but what about the reindeer? Well, when a reindeer's gotta go... they really gotta go! In this hilarious, slightly off-color sequel to A Year at Santa's Workshop, Donner, Rudolph, and even poor Jolly the elf find themselves in some messy situations. But with kindness, teamwork, and a little help from a Christmas mouse, the elves manage to clean up the stable-and keep the Christmas spirit alive! Packed with silly fun, laugh-out-loud mishaps, and heartwarming moments, When a Reindeer's Gotta Go is a holiday tale for anyone who loves a good giggle and a reminder that even the messiest days can end with a smile.
Lymescale & Grime, Be Thankful For Small Murphies
Be Thankful For Small Murphies is the fifth book in the Lymescale & Grime series and if you didn't like any of the previous four you'll definitely hate this one. In this book our intrepid crime fighting duo take on their deadliest foe yet, a man so cunning he would make a fox blush, a weasel cry and a cat laugh. So, when the chips are down, who you gonna call? No, not Ghostbusters, Lymescale & Grime!
Dad Jokes: The Funniest Yet
A new collection of fantastically funny jokes from the Instagram sensation @DadSaysJokes THE PERFECT FATHER'S DAY GIFT The must-have joke collection from the Sunday Times bestsellers @DadSaysJokes Q: How can you tell a pig is hot? A: It's bacon. The iconic Instagram page @DadSaysJokes returns with a fresh batch of dad jokes to share with your nearest and dearest. Packed with jokes so bad that they're good, Dad Jokes: The Funniest Yet is the perfect gift for every occasion. @DadSaysJokes is a community-run Dad jokes network on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, with more than 8 million followers, inspired by the daily jokes of author Kit Chilvers' dad, Andrew. Every day, followers submit their jokes and the team picks their favorites - or Dad just drops in his own zinger! Kit, a young social networking influencer, started his career at the tender age of 14 when he created his original platform, Football.Newz. He has since added another fourteen platforms, including @PubityPets and monster meme Instagram page @Pubity with over 40 million followers. This is his seventh book.
Good Old-Fashioned Values
Packed tighter than Peter's pants after a clam chowder binge with the funniest quotes and most mind-blowing facts from your favorite animated show, this book is your one-stop shop to the absurdly hilarious world of Family Guy. Winner of nine Emmy awards and highly-praised for its satirical take on American culture and societal issues, Family Guy continues to resonate with audiences of all ages and consistently ranks among the highest-rated animated series on television. Join Stewie, Brian, Lois, Meg, and the whole Griffin gang as they serve up laughs faster than you can say "giggity." From Peter's classic "Freakin' sweet!" to Stewie's diabolically witty zingers, we've got enough juicy quotes and trivia to make you spit out your Quahog clam chowder. Whether you're a seasoned Quahogian or just discovering the joys of Family Guy, this book is a goldmine of quotable moments and irreverent, boundary-pushing humour that makes Family Guy the pop culture phenomenon that we can't help but love. So grab your copy, crack open a cold Pawtucket Patriot Ale (or maybe just a root beer), and get ready to laugh, cringe, and quote along with the Griffins like never before. It's gonna be freakin' epic! "I'm like a superhero, but without the super."- Peter Griffin.
They Said It
The French have an expression called l'esprit de l'escalier - the spirit of the staircase. It refers to the remark you thought of on the staircase from the room you were in, where all the witty rejoinders were flying and you stood mute and uninspired in the melee. This book should give you enough verbal ammunition to prevent such scenarios unfolding in the future. It contains the wit and wisdom of Quotable Notables, people who have espied the foibles and eccentricities of the human animal at work and play and come to some rather quirky conclusions about him/her.
Odd Guide to the Flowers of Portland
Sure, all flowers have given names, but that's only a petal in the crown of what they have to offer, to enchant us with. Odd Guide to the Flowers of Portland recognizes this and instead presents a strange and expansive compendium of our floral friends and their many quirks and colors. Organized into categories such as Variance, Parable, and Fantastic, this pocket-sized book explains the plants through odes, portraiture, montage, instructions, neologism, and field entries of all sorts. Odd Guide goes beyond mere classification to imagine what the stamens might be saying, what dreams their perfumes might induce, what potions could be made with their juices, sepals. Discover the plants' personalities through poetic and artistic descriptions, characterizations that are at turns, humorous, romantic, imaginative, and absurd. For open-minded botanists and laypeople alike, Odd Guide is sure to give you a new and surprising appreciation for the inflorescence at your ankles; to make you want to crouch down and notice, relate to, converse with, and bloom accordingly. All field entries written, illustrated, and/or photographed by members of Buckman Publishing's team: Edy Guy, Ellen Robinette, Emmi Greer, Rich Perin, and Kristine Corey.
Grimm and Grimmer
This collection of fourteen reimagined Grimm's fairy tales from award-winning author Mark Russell offers a biting new perspective while proving the classics never go out of style. In the two hundred years since Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm first published their collection of fairy tales, things haven't gotten any less--ahem--grim. So tuck yourself in with some of the classic bedtime stories, retold by award-winning author Mark Russell. Grimm and Grimmer offers fourteen of the Brothers Grimm's finest stories--a mix of well-known tales including "Rapunzel" and "Cinderella," and ones you might not know, like "The Boy Who Didn't Know Fear"--reconceived for a twenty-first century while staying true to their roots At times both laugh-out-loud funny and darker than a wicked stepmother's heart, this captivating collection captures all the absurdities and anxieties of the world just outside our windows.
If Hotdogs Could Talk
What if hotdogs could talk? What stupid things would they say?Brace yourself for If Hotdogs Could Talk, the hilariously unhinged first-person narrative of a self-aware hotdog trying to make sense of a world that refuses to take him seriously. From the existential crisis of being labeled a sandwich to uncovering the sinister "Ketchup Conspiracy," this book serves up bite-sized satire on life, identity, conspiracy theories, overachievers, barbecue philosophers, midlife crises, and the relentless absurdity of human behavior-all through the perspective of a talking wiener with a chip on his bun.Meet the cast of characters: The Paranoid Hotdog - convinced Big Mustard is silencing ketchup.The Existential Wiener - questioning whether he's a sandwich, a taco, or something more.The Marathon Maniac - trying (and failing) to understand why humans voluntarily run for fun.The Overachieving Wiener - grinding 24/7, optimizing his productivity, and burning out in the process.The Footlong in Crisis - realizing he's not actually a footlong and spiraling into denial.The Barbecue Philosopher - a backyard grill master who thinks lighter fluid is the key to wisdom.The Relish Rebellion - a group of eco-extremist condiments convinced the world is overpopulated.The Sausage Ancestry Test - uncovering the unsettling truth about his "blended" meat lineage.The Hotdog Who Wanted to Be a Taco - trying to be "sexy" but stuck in the friend zone of food.The Vegan Hotdog Imposter - a plant-based fraud lurking at the cookout.With razor-sharp wit and an unapologetically satirical bite, If Hotdogs Could Talk is the perfect read for anyone who loves food, philosophy, and poking fun at life's ridiculous contradictions. Packed with conspiracy theories, social commentary, and the ultimate truth about what it means to be a hotdog, this book dares to ask the questions no one else will-because frankly, someone had to.So grab a drink, fire up the grill, and get ready for the funniest, weirdest, and most thought-provoking conversation you'll ever have with a sausage.
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Laughter's Always the Best Medicine
Storytelling at its funniest! And a much-needed reminder that no matter what ails you, laughter is ALWAYS the best medicine. If laughter is the best medicine, this book is your prescription. Turn off the news, shut down the social media, and spend a few days ignoring current events. Instead, return to the basics-- humanity's ability to laugh at itself. We've gathered one hundred great writers to share the mishaps and misadventures of everyday life. There's no holding back, so prepare for lots of good clean (and not so clean) fun in these true, personal anecdotes. Read about domestic disasters, words that came out wrong, mistaken identity, wedding snafus, technology trauma, the honesty of kids, family foibles, wardrobe malfunctions, pranks and capers, animal antics, and so much more. No one is safe in these pages--from family members to friends and colleagues--experiencing those most embarrassing, ridiculous, and surprising moments that afflict us all from time to time! Chicken Soup for the Soul books are 100% made in the USA and each book includes stories from as diverse a group of writers as possible. Chicken Soup for the Soul solicits and publishes stories from the LGBTQ community and from people of all ethnicities, nationalities, and religions.
Unhinged: A Parody
The perfect parody Christmas gift book for that selfish egomaniac in your life - written by Ian Martin, writer for The Thick of It and Veep 'Laughed so much I nearly forgot the last eight years!' Otto English'Ian Martin has produced a traumatically funny book that takes its place in the noble and historic pantheon of British political satire.' The New European'From the pen of the genius Ian Martin - I cannot tell you how f***king funny it is' John Niven______ Boris Johnson has been a towering figure for decades in the worlds of politics, journalism and personal scandal. Somehow, he always bounces back. How does he do it? And how might we mere mortals elevate our piffling lives to the same levels of greatness? Learn how to be more like Boris in this parody companion to Johnson's own account of the last few years. Inside you'll find easy-to-recreate social gambits, life rules and some great excuses that'll get you out of all sorts of tricky situations. Plus, learn how to: - Trivialise everything with buffoonery- Rebuild reality using various self-centred techniques- Smash everything to pieces. Then try to fix it. And then smash it again. . . LET US ALL BE MORE BORIS!
Sex & Bowls & Rock and Roll
The story of a man who gives up the rock 'n' roll dream... to play bowls.Alex Marsh wanted to be a rock star - but it didn't work out. Instead he toiled away in the big city - only to give up his career, move to rural Norfolk, and become a househusband.But he isn't a very good one. Whilst his pride won't let him admit it, he struggles with the cooking, the housework and the isolation. He hires a cleaner without telling his wife, his repertoire of baked potatoes exhausts quickly. He becomes hooked on daytime television and computer solitaire. He is in danger of becoming weird.So he takes up bowls.In Sex & Bowls & Rock and Roll we follow a season in the life of the village bowls team, a group of amateur sportsmen and mild eccentrics. In doing so we see this unfashionable pastime in a whole new light, and very funny it is too.But Alex hasn't quite given up on his dreams of rock stardom. Discovering that some of his mates down the pub are a bit handy with bass and drums he makes one final stab at being in a band, with an eagerly awaited local gig. It is a complete disaster.Join Alex has he comes to terms with life as a domestic disappointment, attempts to learn the fine art of bowls and finally realises that supporting the Sultans Of Ping at the Pink Toothbrush in Rayleigh really was the highpoint of his musical career.Sex & Bowls & Rock and Roll is a hilarious account of the life of a genuinely modern man. Everyone will recognise themselves (or their husbands) and you will be hard pressed not to laugh out loud.
The Good the Spam and the Ugly
Date: Fri, 11 Mar 2005 18:38:09 +0000 (GMT) Subject: CONFIDENTIAL. . . To: honbarrsedd4za@yahoo.co.in PROPOSAL FOR URGENT ASSISTANCE Dear Sir: I must solicit your confidence in this transaction. I am a high placed official with the Department of Finance Affairs in Lagos, Nigeria. I and two other colleagues are in need of a silent foreign partner whose bank account we can use to transfer the sum of $18,000,000. This are monies left by a barrister who died tragically in a plane crash last year. . . Sound familiar? Congratulations. You have been selected to become a mugu, an expression African con artists use to describe the targets of their e-mail scams. But they drew a bead on the wrong guy when they started spamming Steve H. Graham. Like many Internet users, Graham eventually got tired of receiving mugu mail and decided to fire back at his wannabe swindlers. Armed with a scathing sense of humor, Graham quickly turned the tables on his tormenters--with side-splittingly hilarious results. Whether he's referring to his fictional lawyer Biff Wellington, complaining about the injury he received while milking a lactating sloth, or offering the Preparation H helpline as his phone number, Graham--using aliases such as Wile E. Coyote, Barney Rubble, and Herman Munster--offers proof that spamming the spammers is the best revenge. Steve H. Graham is a retired attorney. Since childhood, he has been fighting for truth, justice, and free movie passes. For each copy sold of this book, he will donate 100 percent of the proceeds to himself. He is also the author of the cookbook Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man. He lives in Miami.
